I believe...

I really can’t comprehend the dexterities of past one week’s events- neither do I want to. It started on a high- life was good, vivid, glowing- then it happened- it happened quicker than even the speed of light- I lay there thinking that peace and calm would allow me some sleep- a sleep to remember- a night to remember- a dream to survive- a life to live- an opportunity to thrill myself- a distinct possibility- an imagined reality-

Then something started pushing me- pushing me down as if my room was the cemetery and my bed my grave- rain of tears had softened the ground- darkness had replaced tiredness- my memories had taken over the shovel’s job- there was a burden on me- a huge invisible burden yearning to bury me alive in the ruins of my own mind-

Those moments of peace and calm seemed a long time ago; replaced by a fear- fear of death- fear of mortality- fear of failure- fear of success- fear of life-

The shadows of memories were rising from the west and setting in the east; completing their endless circles- my mind becoming the hub of everything- like the sun in our solar system- my diverse personalities circling around it like planets- the sun revolving around its own axis- churning out immeasurable heat of confusion-

I am helpless because I am not gloomy, no, not at all; rather I have found peace in something else- when my life is going off-track- when things are beginning to go berserk- I am calm- because she is there- she is there- full of life ready to take the burden of disappointments off my shoulders- may be she is not ready- may be she is just there- but her mere presence makes me forget things- her smile makes me smile- just the mere fact that she is there has made life bearable; in fact adorable- I want to continue- I want to struggle- I want to live-

As I sit here and put this piece down on paper, I don’t know what this would reflect except that randomness is the only constant- that life is full of ups and downs- someone said to me you need to have the downs to wish for ups- I couldn’t agree more- I’m in a downward spiral right now looking for a change in fortune- a ray of light- a ray of hope- a miracle-

I shouldn’t believe in miracles- but I do- may be I’m living in a dream- may be- but for what it’s worth I’d take that chance- I’d never let go off my desire for miracles- why? Because I believe in an entity that is controlling us all- that is bigger than us- that knows what is best for us- and even when there are times when we find ourselves at our wit’s end, miracles happen- so I still hope that imagined reality is real not a figment of my imagination- because that’s my survival- because she brightens up my surroundings- because I want to live- because I believe- I believe…