Miniature...

He looked anxiously up into the sky and the wind- the clouds- the ideas- the inspirations- all were floating in the air like an eagle flying up high. For all his strength and determination, he could not reach the heights of greatness achieved by all those things- he looked again- looked at his feet- how small compared to the gigantic environment that surrounded him- he felt small- he felt that he could not, for all his courage, achieve the goals set forth by him in the first place. He looked pale- bruised- tired to say the least. Yet he wanted to move ahead with the verve of a fighter- looking to overcome the toughest rival with the glory of a successful hunter.

Glory was his prey- chivalry his weapon and ego his weakness. Wandering haplessly in the streets- he remembered the U2 song “Where the streets have no name”- ironic it may have been for him- since he was there looking and searching for glory- he was lost- aspiration- hopes shattering down in the abyss of desperation- yet he thought he could do it. Life must have been cruel only to him- there he was- standing in front of the mirror-

Glory was right there- he just couldn’t find it for all his determination- a pervasive feeling of disappointment seemed to have overcome his initial desire for glory. Mirror said it all- yet he could not find the answers- the destiny had chosen him to ignore his conscience and let it die. Die- it did…

Duality...

Heaven would have been proud of what he had achieved- the verve- the passion- the commitment- he had showed was certainly the sign of things to come. To assume that this world would ever produce a creature like him would have been the grotesque mistake on anyone’s part. But he was not elated- nor was he excited- he was just going through the motions- the life of uncertainty- a life of shadows and memoirs- a collection of wishes and desires- for he had been an eloquent preacher of procrastination. Was he a mechanical machine? He wondered at times yet could not find the answers to his queries.

Then came the biggest realization of his life- realization of the hypocrisies- realization of the dual faces- realization of dual standards- an unintended conspiracy that he was a blatant part of. Like an earthquake that jolts the very foundations of even high rise buildings, it hit him hard- so hard that it shoved his very basic beliefs, norms and values of life. The expression on his face could have been exchanged for a terrified child standing on a rail line facing an oncoming train- yet somewhere deep inside him, he knew he had achieved what they could not. It all started with a whisper- a shallow whisper that surrounded him-

“They think I have lost it. What do they think of themselves huh? I can do what anyone cannot. I will show them that they are wrong. I will come back again” He was talking to himself after being overlooked for a presidential award for excellence in science due to him being a schizophrenic. That’s when the whisper started…

“They don’t exist…”

“Really?” He asked.

“Yes. They don’t really exist. It is you who has derived the concept of they and them inspired by the people around you.” The whisper would not go away.

“Go away… They have not given me a Nobel Prize for nothing. They think that my work is my own imagination, not something inspired by someone else. It’s just that they think that I see people who are not real but I will prove them wrong.” He retorted.

“See. That’s what I am talking about. They did this- they did that. Have you ever wondered what are you without them? What are you without taking yourself in the context of this world? What have you achieved for yourself rather than doing something to improve the way you are looked and perceived by others? Life is not only about they or them my friend! There is more to life than that. You say that they think you see people who are not real; have you ever wondered how unreal you are yourself.” It had started to get on his nerves now.

“It may be true that I have overlooked myself as an individual in an effort to fulfill others’ expectation of me.” He tried to control his emotions. “Yet there is a catch there sucker! which people like you don’t get. If I ignore they or them in pursuit of quest for my own inner satisfaction, it would be impossible to survive in this world. What I am facing here is a dilemma. Do you get that now?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the one who is right- you think that you have every right to judge what to do for yourself. Unfortunately you are wrong. God did not make you the way you are upon your own discretion dude. Life moves on- days go by- months never stop passing- yet you are wasting yourself… look around you- how many people have benefited from your prestigious little Nobel Prize- How many? You don’t have the answer. Do you? I’ll tell you how many. No one has benefited from your Prize more than your ego and your pride. It has put you at a place where you have started to imagine that you are above people- but listen… do you really think you are better than all those people who suffer everyday? Are you better than a cobbler? Are you better than an ordinary clerk? Are you better than a peasant? Your ego has gone up so high that someday you are going to crash on your head and when you do, you’ll realize what was the biggest mistake of your life. You have wasted yourself at managing your impressions on other people, while as a person in yourself you have completely lost the race. As a person you have disappointed your conscience- you have taken every little hope that it had away from it. You have outrun yourself my friend!” and the whisper faded away.

He looked awe-inspired now. For the first time in his life, he actually believed that he was a schizophrenic yet he couldn’t have asked for a better realization.

Thunder...

Thunder- Lightning- Raindrops pouring down from the sky- and they stood there amidst it all. For a brief moment everything seemed to have stopped- or may be they did not want to move ahead- standing there in the middle of nowhere- like an astronomer on a dark night looking into the sky, they looked upwards. The night, certainly, was going to give way to sun at some point or the other. Precisely because of that they were not going to let go off this moment- this precious moment when hope seemed to have been fulfilled- when life eventually seemed to have purpose- when shadows seemed to be no longer surrounding them- though the thunder made their shadows on the ground for brief moments- but the fact remains that these brief shadowy moments were engulfed by thousands of moments of joy- so ironic it may sound- somehow the thunder had stolen those few seconds of happiness from their whole lives and joined them together into a night of felicity.

Persuasion- denial- all of it seemingly so pervasive that they could not stop but think about the future. Burying their fears- identifying their strengths- prevailing in the society- a future to look forward to; nothing seemed to be on their mind right now- just a midsummer night fling- a moment of silence- a moment of happiness- a moment of satisfaction- a moment of pride- for they had waited uncountable days for it to happen; so much had happened- yet so little had they changed. Standing on the mountain top- looking into the valley besides- she shook his hand off hers. Amazed- stunned- silenced was he. Feeling as if sinking in the valley beside him- he shook his doubts off- looked at her blank eyes- found nothing except doubts- doubts of betrayal- doubts of lies- doubts of dual faces- He wanted to jump off the cliff- yet she wouldn’t come with him. He tried his level best… Nothing seemed to work. He was not going to do it alone- he thought- thought about times when both of them had come so close- yet they had gone so far- times had changed- they were never so close to each other as they were now. Yet he felt a distance- ironic look in her eyes- as if leaving him in the middle of nowhere. He just couldn’t do it- just couldn’t jump off- shrugged the thought- left her there- came back home to his usual monotonous life- hoping that he will find her again- hoping that they will be together again- till then- he vowed to spend his life like she wanted it to be: a model for everyone around him…

It was the first time death had changed someone’s mind-

And he lived happily ever after…

My first day at this year's internship... RANDOMMMMMMMMMM SHYYYTE

and look what I wrote...

Blah blahblah… so sick of all this… meow!!1
Eh!!
The cat goes wild….
No please no…
Neways…
Life is chill…
And he says… fuck off…
I mean how pretentious can you be!!!
No clue…
Anyways… I just hope that everything turns out to be fine…
No… don’t tell me you have loads of work to do…
Yeah! I am telling you exactly that…
Nothing is new down here…
Howz the weather up there?
Not nice really. I wish I was there with you…
You wish…
Yeah I do wish… Do you have anything against that?
No… How can I have anything against that?
Cos’ you seemed like having some trouble…
No… Obviously infront of you I can’t say anything… can I?
No you can’t.
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Yeah I am back again…
I wish you weren’t…
Funny eh? I don’t think so… It sounds so lame dude…
Somebody is pissed off like hell…
No! I am not pissed off mate. I just think you need some psychiatric treatment…
F*** off dude…
Now who is pissed off? Seems like I am the one who is… right?
No listen buddy! no matter how hard you try… your mere presence and your lame remarks won’t piss me off… want to try?
Yeah I know… My presence cannot piss anyone off… I am just too good for that…
Yeah right!
Yeah it is right dude… and you think I can’t irritate you?
Yeah I sure do. Try me?

Fuck it… I am not interested in writing anymore… I have to go do some stuff…
Excuses… excuses… excuses…
No its not an excuse… I will be back …
Electricity just went out… I was thinking may be… I could work too… I am a workaholic you see…
And I am Mel Gibson… duh…
F*** off…
You too…
See you soon…

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Woops…
What am I doing here?
What? You don’t know what you are doing here mate. That’s strange. I thought you had all the things ready.
Yeah I thought that too. But things change.
Funny. You thought that nothing is going to change.
You will find it funny for sure.
And the tharki is here…
Enough of backbiting…
So what is up with you?
Nothing dude! I am sort of free all the time. You want to know how it feels? Oh, you won’t… sorry.