Life

She was afraid- bewildered may be- but then again she thought she couldn’t do that to him. Rain was pouring down- light was fading quickly. She had to make a decision right there right then. May be she was confused- may be it was fate- may be it was not up to her to make that choice- may be she was doing the right thing- may be not. She was agitated- it was not her decision which had leaded them here- it was not even in her mind. How did they ever come to this point? She never got to know, but something told her that fate had written it for them this way.

Their journey had started with the dawn of the day- yet it seemed such a long time that she could hardly remember the time when they were not together- or may be they were never apart. They were always together- oblivious to each other’s existence. He had been her cohort- her protagonist- her mentor and what not. She knew that the feeling was mutual on both sides- that he felt the same way about her. Now was not the time to dwell in the past- now was the time to act; and act fast as well. Yet, she looked back at her past…

The sun was rising in the east- crimson skies were turning into blue ones- she had come from far above them- he knew that; that’s why he had taken so much care of her. Everyone had deserted him- left him in isolation when he was going through troubles- when he was finding it hard to gather his shattered and battered mind- when things were getting tougher and tougher. She was always there for him- though he never realized that- nor did she even try to make him realize that.

They had gone through the valleys of darkness- they had even reached the top of mountains together- they had lost everyone around them- but they had each other; still oblivious to each other’s existence. May be that’s what kept them together. Though, they had seen the top of mountains- she knew that- he had to face more obstacles- more hurdles- more dark valleys in his way than any other person. However, she was sure that- one day she’ll make him understand what he meant to her- and she could bet that he would understand.

The night was falling in hastily- she had to hurry up. The shadows were beginning to lengthen- She started to think… Why? Why now? What has changed now? Doesn’t he know I am still there for him? Doesn’t he know that I will stay with him until he doesn’t want to stay with me? How could I let him know that? Why has he done so? Why has he left me alone? Why has he made this decision to end me without even asking me- without even knowing what I might have in store for him? Why? She did not have any answers…

He had sent her away- far far away from himself. Now she had to make the choice of going back to him or not. She was confused. He did not want her- He did not. The words echoed in her mind. Yet she went back. Gave him hope- gave him one last chance. Night hadn’t arrived; yet another sun arose.

She was life after all…

Another Night, another Nightmare...

Depression- Solitude- loneliness- freedom- denial- memories- life-

As he sat there alone in his room- the light emanating from lamp shades had an ironical these-are-shades-of-your-life smile. He had spent last few months trying to overcome this nightmare which had suddenly rose out of the debris of life he had once lived. The dark circle surrounding the light of the lamp was closing in on him- as if it was going to darken everything including him. People say music soothes one’s mind- but for him it was having a totally contradictory, yet pervasive effect. For him, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s Dharak Dharak was just pushing him even more quickly towards the abyss of self denial.

He sat there staring at the glowing rod of electric heater that had been warming his room for quite a while now- Yet he felt so cold- so frosty- so glacial that he could hardly gather the strength to pick up the blanket which was lying just three feet away from him- as if frostbite had seen another of its victim; but it wasn’t cold after all. A friend walked into his room- its result- well! A sudden artificial smile appeared on his face as he quickly pretended to be busy typing something on his PC. But he wasn’t good at acting too- he told himself. Just another lie was thrown to his friend to satisfy his queries and halt any further questions. Soon the friend left- He was alone again.

Music continued. Now “The Cranberries” were singing Stars- He looked at the ceiling- hoping- merely hoping that he would find them there- How stupid of him indeed! Somehow they reminded him of the childhood stories of stars and how dead become a star in the sky. He wished he could go back in time to his childhood- or he could become a star in the sky as well- but wishes are not always fulfilled- he knew that. The monster-faced ashtray was staring at him- not the other way round- as if asking him… Wanna smoke? He lit a cigarette right then- not knowing that ashtray was already filled and had no space for anymore ash- but he went on having drags until his lungs started choking. The ash sticking to the cigarette was just like his life- a single movement could separate it from its body itself- a soul it represents- he murmured.

He was freezing to death in the absolutely normal temperature of the room. Death- not the answer, Life- not the question; he was restless and he did not know the answers or even the questions for that matter. He could not give up now- now that he had weathered the turbulent part of yet another taxing night in his life. He closed his eyes- music continued- spread his arms- his body shaped like a cross- smoke came out of his mouth- smoke of cigarette- smoke of the soul. Relaxation at last… Sleep… Dreams, not nightmares followed… Life moved on…

At least for that night…

Questions

An e-mail...

Sender: Anonymous

Recipient: Anonymous

... so here u are... breaking up with me when i was trying to be honest with u and when i was trying to correct myself... u broke up... u broke up... right u did... am i right? I just want to find the answer to it... I can't get u outta my head no matter how hard i try... I have even stopped talking to u and contacting u but u just keep on coming into my head... like a shattered dream that keeps on haunting my subconscious... I dun wanna do that... I dun... but it happens... i dunno why... I have tried but not been successful... something was missing in me... i cud not make myself to forget u... i just cud not... i know it sounds stupid but thats wat i am... I know u r the one or shud i say u were the one... I just can't forget u... Never... For i can't even try to... I want to ask y... y... if u cud not go on this path with me... y did u chose to accompany me on this road in the first place... I wanna ask u... I have loads of question running through the narrow tunnels of my mind and can't make their way out... may be they never can because u r never willing to provide them with answers...

A darkest Hour

…He sat there- his eyes gazing at the two light bulbs gleaming upon him like a beacon burning bright on Everest plying hope to the world around it. Yet, to his astonishment, it was still as gloomy for him as it could be for anyone dwelling in this place that we so proudly call mother earth. It was still dour for him- a darkest hour indeed…


…Six days and three hours had passed since she had last seen her daughter. She hadn’t heard from her since then. Though she could not, in any case, think that she had passed away, yet the fears of the worst were coming screaming towards her. She wanted to hold them off- she wanted to tell herself that her daughter was alive- she wanted to be optimistic- but one sometimes doesn’t get what one wants…


…Life, she thought, had been savage to her- and harsh to everyone else around her. She was demoralized, dismayed and dejected- she was profoundly lost in her intellections- she was ill-omened, ill-starred and ill-fated; finally she realized that. But then would it be just to everyone around her- wouldn’t it be vicious of her to do such a thing. Something told her it wouldn’t be- something told her everything did not have a purpose- something told her challenges were never meant to be met. What was that something? She thought. Instinct, impulse, intuition… What…


…His hands were sublimely placed on the gun. He wanted to think twice about what he was going to do- he wished he had some other way- but then- what the heck- He was going through with it no matter what his mind and heart told him now. Screams, squalls, wauls, shrieks were all running towards him like a frantic psycho on a killing spree. He blocked his mind off- turned safety switch off- placed his gun- BANG…


... Ringing telephone bell jostled her back to reality…


…A muffled sound was all that she could manage, while all the thoughts of being ill-omened and ill-fated were still running through her mind.…


…Phone receiver lay right next to the sixty nine years old lady who couldn’t bear the news of her daughter’s death…


…Another shot- One more dead body- This time, however, no phone was ringing anywhere around the world.

Religious Fundamentalism: Specific to Islam only?

“Those who still cling to the great fundamentals and who mean to do battle royal for the fundamentals shall be called fundamentalists” (Moore)

Fundamentalism can be traced back to the inception of the religion itself. Contemporary fundamentalism, no matter how crudely it is described and defined, is different in its entirety from the fundamentalism present in the medieval ages. A number of religions have come and merged into this ever-evolving debate regarding fundamentalism and its foundations. The history of fundamentalism begins with the advent of Christian church; which many scholars agree, was biased and prejudiced against the minorities of every sort; whether homosexuals or people from different religions.

No matter how generalized it may sound, but the fact remains that Christian church in the medieval ages was the strongest proponent of religious bias and prejudice. They believed and practiced such biasness because of their belief that these were the “words of God”. On the other hand, non-fundamentalists believed that it could be attributed in varying degrees to the first century culture rather than God or word of God. Throughout the history of Christianity, fundamentalism has been directly correlated with discriminatory behavior and right-wing authoritarianism, a feature related to contemporary Islamic fundamentalism. Some other scholars still believed that fundamentalism, seen in the psychological perspective, was a “Mindset, a closed belief system and right wing authoritarianism.” (Fulton, Gorsuch, Maynard)

Contemporary thoughts and ideas about violent fundamentalism are largely related to Islam and its various sects, albeit categorically denied by Muslims themselves. They come up with the argument of the involvement of mass media in portraying Islam as a religion prone to fundamentalism and prejudice. However, they fail to comprehend why West came hold negative stereotypes of Islam in the first place. A fact that goes unnoticed and ignored is the conflicting relationship between Christianity and Islam throughout the last millennium. The spread of Islam in the western Mediterranean until the 15th century, the military confrontations with the crusaders from 11th to 13th century, the fall of Byzantium and the rise of Ottoman Empire from the 15th to 20th century were among a number of factors, which lead to alienation and distrust of Islam that was primarily viewed as a threat to Christendom. 222. The rise of Khomeini in Iran, the call for Jihad from Iraq during the Gulf-war, the religio-military coup in Sudan, the rise of extremist organizations such as Al-Qaeda in Muslim countries, Oklahoma City bombings and the attacks on World Trade Centre are the primary reasons behind the West’s conceived image of Islam-the religion, as a heaven for fundamentalists.

However, religious fundamentalism and extremism can also be found in the contemporary Christian and Jewish states and organizations. In her review of Stern's book, “Terror in the Name of God”, Isabel Hilton points out the similarity between fundamentalist Jews and fundamentalist Muslims by quoting one of the former as reported by Stern:

“Here in Israel, we don't like to say this very loudly, but the radical right Jewish groups have a lot in common with Hamas.” (Hilton)

The state of Israel, only the second state to be created based upon religious ideology, has been a prime example of Jewish fundamentalism since early 50’s. This extremism, according to scholars, was originated in the form of ancient Jewish nationalism that was based in the “Cult of Caiaphus”, the Jewish Pharisee that Jesus admonished, and who later sought Jesus’ death by crucifixion, since Jesus dared to challenge their version of Jewish law, and also its attendant sorcery, which has evolved into the modern Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism. The contemporary form of this Jewish Law can be found in this quote attributed to Central Region Command of the Israeli Army.

“Under no circumstances should an Arab be trusted, even if he makes an impression of being civilized. In war, when our forces storm the enemy, they are allowed and even enjoined by the Halakah (Jewish law) to kill even good civilians” (Fattah)

Modern day Christianity is not spared from fundamentalism and extremism either. The organizations such as “Christian Identity, The Order and The Turner Diaries” are extremist and fundamentalist in nature to say the least. They have their own agenda which, according to them, is based upon the religious teachings of Christ and God. They argue that they ought to make a model world for Christians. They have used violent means in the past, and are not afraid of committing them in the future as well.

“In 1984, members of The Order stole $3.8 million from an armored car, most of which has never been recovered. That same year they were responsible for the assassination of Alan Berg, a Jewish radio talk show host in Denver who engaged in harsh criticism of neo-nazis and Identity ideology.” (Cline)

Hinduism is another religion which has had its share of fundamentalists as well. The organizations such as RSS, Bajrang Dal and political parties like BJP have been propagating their own agenda in the form of religious rhetoric. Their leaders, much like those in Christian and Jewish world, argue that they take such extremist and marginalized actions in order to serve God, completely denying and ignoring the worldly benefits that they reap from such efforts. Incidents of the extreme actions by such fundamentalists are numerous, one of them being the attack on a prayer meeting of Christians in Rajasthan, India.

“Hindu extremists violently attacked a prayer meeting in Rajasthan state last night, seriously injuring nine Christians, including one woman… those who attacked the prayer meeting were wearing the typical khaki uniform of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), a Hindu extremist group. A member of the Rajasthan State Minorities Commission confirmed that the border area was the center of RSS activity in the state…” (International Christian Response)

An analysis of three of the biggest religions of the world has portrayed that fundamentalism is not something we can associate with a particular religion. It might be the case that at certain instances in history a certain religious fervor has coerced many people into considering another religion biased and prejudiced, but that is how the history has been shaped. The contemporary world tends to forget the reasons behind the so-called Islamic fundamentalism and extremism, they tend to ignore the fact that majority of the Muslim states have been a victim of colonization in the last century and they have been exploited and marginalized in every way by the West. The resulting desperation on their part results in the extreme actions, which are then associated with Islam, albeit social factors have much bigger impact in such cases. The contemporary capitalist world has once again made an escape goat in the form of Islamic extremism, instead of solving the longstanding issues of poverty and under-development in these least developed Muslim countries. The subjugation and marginalization continues by the West, the Muslim response to this injustice is labeled “terrorism”, while West continues its own economic terrorism in the form of capitalism with full throttle. If Muslim terrorism has an end, it would come after the end of Western economic terrorism. Till then, we would go on blaming one religion or the other for adhering to fundamentalism and extremism.
















Bibliography

Cline, Austin. "Politics of Christian Identity." 09 Oct. 2005 .

Fattah, Abd E. "Jewish Fundamentalism in Israel :: Book Review ::." Media Monitors Network. 28 Aug. 2004. 09 Oct. 2005 .

Fulton, Aubyn S., Richard L. Gorsuch, and Elizabeth A. Maynard. "Religious Orientation, Antihomosexual Sentiment, and Fundamentalism Among Christians." Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion (1999): 15. 10 Oct. 2005.

Hilton, Isabel. "Everybody Hates Somebody Somewhere." The New York Times: Book Review Desk. 16 Nov. 2003. 09 Oct. 2005 .

"Hindu Extremists Attack Prayer Meeting in Rajasthan, India." International Christian Response. 15 Aug. 2005. 09 Oct. 2005 .

Moore, Leroy. "Another Look at Fundamentalism: A Response to Ernest R. Sandeen." Hartford Seminary Foundation: 196+. 10 Oct. 2005.

LOLZ...

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Without Remorse

Lost for words- yes, that’s what he was feeling at that particular instant. He had been an eloquent speaker throughout his life- yet at the time when he was needed to say some words, he just couldn’t; for they had no meanings for him anymore. He wondered- he thought- he pondered upon things surrounding him but nothing came off. He could feel the glaring eyes of people which had a has-he-lost-it expression written all over them. Yet, he felt so oblivious to them- so numb- so forgetful of them. How could he- he tried to think about it because it was one thing he had never thought that he would do.

He always wanted freedom- freedom of speech- freedom of thought- freedom of soul- freedom from life itself. But everything seemed so irrelevant and relative right now for he had gained the freedom but lost the words, the thoughts, the soul and the life he had always wished for. Ironical- yes it does sound ironical. He was an advocate of freedom for crying out loud; and here he was, finally with the choice to say things he always wanted to, but not able to do so. Why? Everyone in the large hall room was thinking the same thing- Why?

He wished for things that never took place- he wished for things that never existed- he wished for life that never was real- yet he wished for death at the same time. With contradiction and conflict all around- he was lost in the abyss of cognition- yet he knew nothing. Blasphemy- he was accused of it once. Now God gave him the chance to rectify things- to tell the world that he was not an agnostic- to let people know that he was not an atheist- to speak out loud what he really meant in his writings against religion or the practices that he carried out.

Nothing spoken- utter silence- engulfing the huge hall like the light from the chandelier surrounded the whole arena. A sudden outburst of tears- tears flowing from his eyes- tears of regret- tears of sorrow- tears of joy even. A sudden mumbling hymn coming from the rows of the church they were in. They all felt that he regretted what he had done- these tears were a way to apologize for what he had done. Nothing said- nothing done- just a silent enigma- this man was turning out to be.

Salvation- they were all here for salvation. The mumbles had turned into loud recitation of bible- the bells had started ringing- the bishop standing high- people lost in the euphoria of it all. The man was about to be declared sinner for the rest of his life- and was to be abandoned by everyone. People wanted him to accept his blasphemous behavior- yet he was not ready. He was still silent- as silent as a cold winter night in the Atlantic. And there it was- the decision of “God” to abandon this guy.

His crime- he did not believe in God- or he was not convinced about it- he was confused- Why? Because if there was any God present than He would make sure that every human being was treated equally in this world. This man described religion as the tool to oppress and create classes. He wanted his children to go to the same school where children of billionaires go to. But he was a sinner- and sinners deserve to go to hell. So, hell it is going to be for him.

The man grabbed the candle stand from a shelf near him and stuck it into his heart. Blood- running down the isle of the church.

Freedom; he wished for- and freedom; he got.

Circles of Life

“You are the only one who knows me really well.” She wiped the tears that were about to come out of her eyes when these words came out of her mouth.

“Don’t you ever try to go away; Life is a journey not a destination. We are all here to sacrifice our souls, our minds and our bodies. For what! Have you ever stopped from your daily fucking routine and wondered- wondered why I am here- wondered why am I sacrificing my soul, my mind and my feelings? Have you?”

The rain came pouring down as her tears were lost somewhere in the raindrops- raindrops that were as ruthless as her addressee- raindrops that really did not care. She had lost- lost to her own dreams- lost to her own ecstatic expectations- lost to her own will- she had lost. She was surprised by the surprises that had brought her to this moment in her life- she was depressed by the depression that had taken her over by storm- she was lost in the lost triangle made by herself, her surroundings and the people around her- so surprised, so depressed, so lost…

Lightening struck some residential area nearby; The lines that it made for a split second through the black sky were just enough to show him the lines of tears, flowing down her face, mixed with raindrops. Still, he didn’t speak anything; there was a stupid little I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck expression on his face.

“How can someone be so callous?” She thought; but she never realized the fact that she had spoken her thoughts aloud- loud enough to be heard despite of the sound that a commercial airliner was creating at that very moment just before its landing. They were standing on a hanging bridge which connected the two parts of the city over the river, just like the relationship, they shared, was hanging and was about to fall into pieces- the only difference being that this bridge was not connecting the two parts of the same city- it was only lying there rendered useless after the destruction of one part of the city.

“The journey ends here, mike.” She said as a car fizzed past them.

Mike was awakened to reality by the splash of water about three hundred feet below his feet away. The rain had stopped and moon’s light was just enough to let him see the ripples that splash had created.

“The circles of life” He thought as he kept staring at them.

Sirens. Blue and red lights.

Another splash. The difference this time was that there was no one there to actually see how two sorts of ripples were joining and canceling each other’s effects.

She hadn’t lost after all.

A Request

Going through old times and remembering good old memories is quite interesting and at times quite painful as well. Well, I have had the pleasure and the trouble of going through the memory lane tonight. People have been always around me; as a matter of fact they have been around for everyone. I was just wondering why the heck do I have so many expectations from people. And then I realised that I had stopped doing so. I don't know why. But I guess, as it turns out to be, its good. I have stopped caring for people, I have lost what had hurt me most yet it had given me the most treasurous moments of my life.

I want to save them and lock them somewhere safe. And for all my effort I can't find a place where I can keep them. Tired and unprepared, I give up. But what is the point of giving up everything when everything wants you to be there. I sometimes wonder why I was born in the family I am in right now. I sometimes wonder why people have good relationships. I sometimes wonder why life is so easy for some people. Are they better than me, do they deserve more? I don't know. I am just so lost at the moment.

I am the last thing I want to know about. Yet I keep on getting to know more. Ironical, Isn't it? I don't know. And I don't care. I am filled with random thoughts that keep popping up here and there when I sit alone and start to think. But then my mind is continuosly thinking anyways, then why does it have to be random at certain points of time. I am rendered helpless by all this. I have lost most of the things which I hated most about myself, yet when I try to visualise what I have become, I hate it more. Think. Hate. I. Think. Hate. I. Think. Hate. I. Think. Hate. World. Think. Hate. I.

What the heck. I should be giving up all the treasures that God has bestowed upon me for I have been unthankful and ungrateful all along. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that. I want this, I want that. I am this tiny creature in such gargantuan universe that I would no longer exist if it wasn't for God's mercy.

But then how do I thank Him? By being dumb, by being numb. By being the most uncaring creature around. Am I a devil? Has evil conquered my soul? I dare to explore the boundaries of the human mind that are left unexplored for the sole reason of heresy. Have I become a heretic? I don't know.

I don't know anything. I am worthless. And I have lost the people that were most important to me in my life. Well a number of them to be honest. I don't wanna lose another one or else I would be more dumb and numb for the rest of my life and would venture into more heretic worlds. A friend is all that I want from you. A sincere friend who can bear my two faced personality. A friend that could save me from the evil that I have inside me. A friend who could turn me into something real rather than the mirage that I have become.

Don't deny me that. Please don't.

Twelve Monkeys

An excerpt from 12 Monkeys' screen play.



You think you can remove the grill but you can't. It's welded.


See? I toldja. And all the doors are locked, too. They're protecting the people on the outside from us. But the people outside are as crazy as us.


You know what "crazy" is? "crazy" is "majority rules". Take germs for example.


In the 18th century there was no such thing! Nobody'd ever imagined such a thing -- no sane person anyway. Along comes this doctor...Semmelweiss, I think. He tries to convince people... other doctors mostly...that there are these teeny tiny invisible "bad things" called germs that get into your body and make you...sick! He's trying to get doctors to wash their hands. What is this guy...crazy? Teeny tiny invisible whaddayou call 'em?..."germs"!


So cut to the 20th century! Last week in fact, right before I got dragged into this hellhole. I order a burger in this fast food joint. The waiter drops it on the floor. He picks it up, wipes it off, hands it to me...like it was all okay.


"What about the germs?" I say. He goes, "I don't believe in germs. Germs are just a plot they made up so they can sell you disinfectants and soap!" Now, he's crazy, right? Hey, you believe in germs, don't you?


Of course not, I never thought you were crazy. You want to escape, right? That's very sane. I can help you. You want me to, don't you? Get you out?


Why don't I escape, that's what you were going to ask me, right? 'Cause I'd be crazy to escape! I'm all taken care of, see? I've sent out word.


I've managed to contact certain underlings, evil spirits, secretaries of secretaries, and assorted minions, who will contact my father. When he learns I'm in this kind of place, he'll have them transfer me to one of those classy joints where they treat you...properly. LIKE A GUEST! LIKE A PERSON! SHEETS! TOWELS! LIKE A BIG HOTEL WITH GREAT DRUGS FOR THE NUT CASE LUNATIC MANIAC DEVILS...


Sorry. Really sorry. Got a little agitated. The thought of escaping crossed my mind and suddenly...suddenly I felt LIKE BENDING THE FUCKING BARS BACK, RIPPING OFF THE GODDAMN WINDOW FRAMES AND...EATING THEM, YES, EATING THEM, AND LEAPING, LEAPING...


You dumb assholes! I'm a mental patient! I'm supposed to act out. Wait til you morons find out who I am. My father's gonna be really upset. AND WHEN MY FATHER GETS UPSET, THE GROUND SHAKES! MY FATHER IS GOD! I WORSHIP MY FATHER.


Torture! Experiments! We're all monkeys.

The End

“Slow you might end up being in the valley on the right” A voice came from the rear seat of the mini van he was driving. “The road is bumpy, you’ll get us hurt.”

Inside his mind, he wanted to tell them all to shut up, but he did not want to do so. He was there to make them happy after all. He was their friend- their cohort- their support after all. So, there he was, happy and rejuvenated. He realized he was driving fast, but who gives a damn- He was a safe driver and always completed the journey before time- it was his plan to go on this journey with his friends, and here he was driving the car while the rest of his friends were at the back- blabbering, gibbering, tattling and dancing. Nobody even asked once if he wanted to join them. He was thinking- thinking about the good times he had shared with these people- but then these were the good times for them only- he had always been there to make them happy, to satisfy them and to pretend that he was as good as they were…

A sudden thought came into his mind in a flash- was he being selfish? Was he over reacting? Was he even worthy to be called their friend? But then; were they worthy of his friendship? He didn’t want to think in those terms. He had always so selflessly sacrificed everything for his family and friends.

Bang!!!

Everything spinning around him- lights glaring him in his eyes- sirens thundering- voices echoing- his eyes closed.

He woke up in a deserted land- no living being could be seen for miles- silence was deafening- yes “the silence” was deafening for him- sun was scorching down his throat- barren land spread for acres around him. He wanted to drink but water was not there. He wanted to eat but the food was not there- he wanted to run away but could not find his legs- he was lying helplessly- as helpless as a new born child waiting for its mother to feed it. He wanted to remember how he had reached this abyss- this void- this unfathomable arroyo. His mind was numb- his thoughts were random- his memory lost in the fireworks. Suddenly he saw a vulture flying directly above him- surprisingly he was ecstatic to see it- it was life after all- life which was absent from this quagmire- life which was even missing within himself- a sign of life finally- he thought. The beast was flying in his direction with its nose aimed at his chest- he knew it was going to be over- he knew it all was going to end- he knew and he was happy.

Bang again!!!

Now there were more vultures around him. He could not move yet he was sitting there, thinking- thinking how life less he was. He loved those vultures. At least they were a sign of life- so what if they were eating his flesh. He was back again. The end was so near yet so far.

Straight from Arsene Wenger's desk...

"The bad moments always stick out more. The good moments you feel are normal because you work for them, that can sound a bit pretentious but the bad moments, they hurt you deeply."




The Arsenal boss is hundred percent right. Isn't he?

18th July, 2005

It has been exactly one month now. I bet you remember the exact timing as well. But life has gone on to change a lot of things- life has made me hate you more- life has made you hate me more- the nuts have become more nutty- the ideas have gone astray- minds have been battered- Still I move on...

You were afraid, you weren't ready- I thought I was too. Raindrops did fall every night- clouds covered the sky and then washed the earth with those raindrops every night. Mysteries kept on unveiling themselves- truth was difficult to understand- you have cracked me up more than any chocolate coated nut-

The nut is beginning to show its crooked self- the chocolate has been melted- and it has only been a month. And then nut also asks me to F off- not that I won't, but I don't know why I can't. 18th July, 2005 will always be etched in my mind and my memories. I don't know if it was good or bad- I don't even want to know.

I just know that it has been one month since the nut's shell was broken.

Vengeance

The silence is broken. He doesn't know how it was but one thing he surely knows is that IT IS BROKEN. Thats all what matters. He was lost in the dark spaces of the conspicuous mind that he possesed, suddenly a roar came- a roar that tore him apart- a sound that dazzled him- a scream that shook him like anything else could not. He was dreaming or was he. He wanted to know the truth- wanted to overcome the feeling, sense and emotion of being alone. He was sitting amongst all his devils- he was one of them after all- he was one big devilish figure- he wanted to run away. He not only wished to die- he also scurried away from the life itself. He was worthless, he was motionless and yet he was numb. He wanted to die but couldn't muster up the courage to do so. He wanted to run away but couldn't find the place to run to. He wanted to ruin everyone but he couldn't find anyone who he could ruin. Life seemed to be stopped. He wanted more time, he wanted more satisfaction, he wanted more felicity in his life. He couldn't find it and yet he was running after it like a star lost in space. He never wanted to be one- though his parents had always wanted him to be amongst the stars- on the top of this world. But then this world had nothing to do with him, this world had so ruthlessly used him, abused him and then ignored him. He had a revenge to take, he had a rage of vengeance. He wanted to get rid of it. He never was able to do so. Now he finally got to know why. The scream that he heard was from within. He felt contented, he felt satisfied and then he flew away.

Life had taken its revenge, though he never could.

Freedom

Date: 7th August, 2005.
Time: 01:18 a.m
Location: A dark room.

The fan is in motion, dim white light from the monitor captures his imagination. He continues staring at it. Everything seems to be motionless except for the fan. Life is stopped, a sudden rage and anger strikes him. He throws his cell phone away, scampers to a wooden cabinet, looks around at the closed door, brings out the scissor...

The monitor screen goes into darkness with its screensaver showing the word:

FREEDOM.

The Lost Sanctity

She carried on her journey, walking past dead human beings, walking past live beasts, walking past the light house which was as dark as it could get. She wandered around in the narrow streets, roamed through eerie alleys and narrowly escaped dozens of savages. Light was nowhere to be seen, shadows were surrounding her, silence was following her and life, well that she never had. As she entered the ciudad dé entierro- yes the city of funerals, a sign board read:

“Welcome to the River Town”.

“Oh! So they have a river in there as well. That is going to be fun.” She murmured.

Fun, felicity, ecstasy; these were the very things she had been running after through out her journey- a journey she was reluctant to describe as life- a journey that had taken her through the unconscious mind of a child to schizophrenic one that she possessed now.

“The journey never ends.” She remembered her son, who was now dead too, quoting a Gandolph dialogue from the famous movie “Lord of the Rings”.

“How very true it is!” She thought.

She was in the down town now, around her were towering minarets built with dead bodies- corpses not even stinking- corpses looking as if they were euphoric- corpses bound together with one single string- corpses… There in one corner, I stood above a rock. She looked into my eyes, I looked into hers. Lightening crashed- her eyes got closed again. I knew at that very moment, that I don’t have to keep my eyes open as well; so closed they got. My mind was blank and black as a night in Brazilian rain forests- nothing can be seen- beasts roar your heart apart- still your sense of adventure makes you do things you never would do in your sane mind.

Refusal- I wanted to open my eyes again- but refusal was all I got from my eyelids. Why? I wanted to ask- but refusal was all I got from my brain. I wanted to breath- but refusal was what I got from my lungs. So, I finally wished for my heart to burst into pieces- wishing that it too would refuse to obey me, but it never did. There I was, lying on the floor in hundreds of pieces.

She opened her eyes, looked at me again and smiled for the first time, may be in her entire life. I opened my eyes too, looked at her and smiled as well. This time it was not me alone repeating the same exercise; there were hundreds of other pieces of me, the mirror, doing the same as well. She turned her back at me, and walked towards the corpses again. Another beast she is, I thought and became the shining star in the sky above.

She was now walking amongst beasts, more alive than anyone else in the entire city. They never said anything to her, never even stared at her. They were all so busy- all so fuzzy- all so occupied- that nobody even noticed her. She felt embarrassed- she had always thought that her stupefying good looks were more than enough to catch even the brutes’ attention. Now she was traumatized, she wanted to know- wanted to know why all the humans are dead, and why all the beasts are scurrying and rushing past her. She asked a beast to stop, and it didn’t even listen, snubbing her wholly. And then she saw it; every one was rushing towards a building across the block. She went close to have a look for herself.

The board on the top of the building read:

“Sanctity of life lost. Awards Ceremony”

She ran inside and joined the race to get her own award for her part in making it conceivable.

The Arrival

Finally it had arrived. Five years in the mental asylum, five treasured years, had passed since he had been wishing for it. The arrival hadn’t been foreboded, yet there was something deeply auspicious about it. The man lying at the centre of the universe marveled- marveled how all of this could be true- marveled if he was really the centre of the universe or not- marveled how he could have neglected all of it. The winds were blowing, and blowing hard; sky was roaring, roaring loud; world was whirling around him. He knew it would come, but five years, three months, twenty two days, 15 hours, 34 minutes and 19 seconds, had made him forget if it really was there or not.

Screams- screams were closing in from all directions, silence- no where to be found. He wanted to close his ears- wanted to shut his eyes- wanted to embrace what had arrived- wanted to… He wanted to think; think once in his life. He had spent all these years without thinking about anything. It was as if he had lost his ability to think- to wonder. He wanted to think why? Why is it now that the thing, he had wished for during past five years of his life, had arrived; he wanted to run away from it. Blank- that’s what his mind had turned into- a blank piece of NOTHING it was.

Moments, memories, reminiscences and memoirs; did they ever exist? Not that he wanted to have them, but not having them made him think even harder. He had spent his whole life in this mental asylum, a mental asylum that we so proudly call our world, without any hint of impression, sensation, emotion or an association with anyone. He was alone, he was euphoric, he was quenched, he was… Everything seemed to be disconsolate and surreal around him now. The very things that he adored about himself now meant nothing to him, or were, may be, disastrous- ruinous and catastrophic to him.

Answers- still not arriving. The time scampering past him, or may be he was scurrying past time. Time stood still, the world stood still. It was he who was modifying. But then he was also a part of the world, so if he was changing then the world must change as well- this mental asylum should loose one of its psychotic as well; this psychosis had to come to an end. But the world stood still, as if snubbing him completely, indulging in its own routine of ritual killing. He wanted to break the silence around him- he wanted to scream to overcome the sound of screams inside him. Foolishly helpless- yes that’s what he thought of himself at that moment.

Finally, he had stopped evolving, stopped changing, and stopped enduring. Now he stood still for the world. Answers to his queries never arrived, yet the arrival of death had made him still and stagnant, though he would have preferred being still by getting the answers to his questions. He passed away; confused, baffled and bewildered as never before.

Being Numb Is Fun

Someone wrote to me: Being numb is fun.

I never cerebrated in my entire life that I would come across another mortal who shares the same impressions about being numb. But then what is it about numbness that is so exceptional and peculiar? To be veracious I don’t know and I really don’t want to know, because for me it means felicity- it means delectation- it means self indulgence- and it means finding peace within me. Life is short and we have ranges to cross, obligations to fulfill, responsibilities to carry out and vaults to overcome, but why is that one never finds ataraxis in any of these things.

For me peace and calm within myself is- when I am befuddled within I- when nothing seems to really matter for me- when iniquity prevails around my body- but then even when its so gloomy outside why do I feel that I am not in absolute darkness anymore? Why do I feel as if there are millions of 1000 watts bulbs beaming inside of me? I don’t know- I really don’t know. Because the world can go to hell for all that I care.

Completely incomplete, yes that’s what I feel when I come out of this self created mold- the mold that allows me complete freedom- the mold that gives me the true ecstasy of life- the mold that provides me with the true delineation of my own self- the mold that gives me the opportunity to dream. Yes, dreams, I do believe in them. But then, how do we know what is real and what is a dream, a conjuration and a fantasy? How do we know that the life we are living is not a dream? Yes you guessed right, I really don’t know.

For billions of people around the world, reality is this world. But for me reality is much bigger than this world, its about getting to know yourself in the context of this world- this universe- but let me clarify here. We human beings have this nature of adapting to most rugged circumstances, but why is it that we cry over an infinitesimal affair, we recede our heart at one failure? Why? For me it is because I believe there is a soul deep down all of us- a soul that keeps on reminding us that we are mortal after all. But then it’s not all, is it? Life is bigger than you, me, our soul or this world for that matter.

So, why go into this complexity? Why not save these moments to ourselves? To realize what we really are- to be lost in our own mind- to be numb to everything around us- to let our senses rest for a moment. For me this is fun, and if being numb provides me that, I agree, being numb IS fun.

Kolachi

Me in karachi these days... extremely busy... so dun have the time to get online... so no updates for a while... :(

A Change of Seasons

I was listening to this song and its amazing lyrics made me post them here.

[Music by Dream Theater]
[Lyrics by Mike Portnoy]

I remember a time
My frail, virgin mindwatched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my migh
tIn my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near....

'Carpe diem, seize the day'
I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
'Seize the Day'
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there might not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, 'I Love You...Good-bye'
"It's the most awful thing you'll ever hear."
"If you're lying to me..."
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"...just have to leave... all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and the T.V. screen
Another world where nothing's true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I'm sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don't need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy,
No time to cry
Untie these strings,
I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Now it's time for them to deal with me

I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse,
alive or dead
I realize there's no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track
I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset

(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He's my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
'Seize the day and don't you cry,
Now it's time to say good-bye
Even though I'll be gone,
I will live on, live on.'

Prologue

Alastor looked out of the window of black Apache helicopter with a large FBI sign on its tail. His eyes were fixed on the sun setting in the south over Arabian Sea. It felt to him as if it was symbolical of his life- the life that was coming to an end now- the life that he had so ruthlessly wasted on providing others without attaining anything for himself. Yet he was not disappointed nor was he dejected. He had avenged- he had taken the revenge of the cruelties that this world had brought on him. He was contented, satisfied and anyone who looked in his eyes could see a spark in his eyes-the spark of triumph- he thought.

Wishful Thinking

Those days, those were the best days of my life. Standing outside the class room, with a heavy backpack on, I was late yet again. As much as I hated the castigation at that time, I sometimes wonder why I miss those days more than anything in my life. I still remember my first day at school, I was crying, crying the whole time, my teacher had to take special care of me. I never wanted to sit in the class room, but at that time I didn’t know that eighteen years down the line, I would be craving and yearning to go back in time and do it all over again. It was fun, it was excitement, it was enthusiasm, it was thrill, it was ecstasy, yet it was all in innocence.

As I passed some school today, I heard the school bell ringing, which took me to a state of jubilation and euphoria; remembering those amazing moments, yet I was down in the dumps- dejected at the thought that I will never be able to wait for this bell to ring for my break time. I could imagine myself in the middle of all hustle and bustle of break time, with all of us running around, playing games, not wary of the heat of early June. Today, I can’t even bear the thought of leaving my comfy and cozy room to get the guest at the door in June. I wish I could be same person again, I wish I could find all my friends again, I wish I could go back in time, I wish. Yet sometimes I pray to God, I pray for a miracle that will bring my school life back to me, I pray for talks of time machine to be true so that I could go back to those school years of mine, but as much as I hate to admit it, I know it is practically impractical.

Those early to bed, early to rise days, I was in the bed at nine listening to stories- stories of Robin hood, stories of Aladdin, stories of Sinbad- My sister would keep on narrating stories to me until I slept. At that time, I thought, someday I will be one of those heroes; I dreamed of my success stories. Every child does- I did not know that at that time- but very few achieve success. But today- success for me- is that someday I’ll be able to provide my children with the same kind of childhood that I had- the same memories will be theirs as well- they will have dreams too- and I’ll be able to relive my childhood again through them.

Wishful thinking- I know.

Death Bed

He refused to give up. He was fighting- fighting hard to stay alive, fighting hard to bury his worst nightmare- Death, fighting hard to survive one more night before he could lay deep inside the matter that had created him.

“One more night” He muttered to himself.

As he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling above and a fan that stood still for it was a cold December night, memories came roaring down the slender burrows of his mind. He could see his mother, his father and his siblings. He imagined his arrival in this world, it seemed like the world hadn’t changed. This was the same hospital he was born in, and it seemed as if he was going to die in it too. Cycle had been accomplished. The sound of ambulance siren reminded him of his first visit to the hospital- a visit which wasn’t destined to end in such a horrendous manner- the death of his mother.

“Same old sirens. Someone is going to hell tonight” He whispered as a quick hint of a faint smile ran across his lips.

He could remember the bizarre incidents on his 6th birthday as precisely as anyone of that age could, for it had changed the course of his life in such a way that it scarcely gave him an opening to be himself later in his life. He had begged God for his mother’s health; she had lung cancer- result of excessive smoking- he had thought at that time. It was his birthday when she had bronchitis attack; the sirens seemed more like the jingle of angels, streaming down from heavens to take his mother away- He had assumed. But God did not listen to his prayers- prayers that he had offered the whole night- he had asked for his birthday gift from God.

“What a wonderful birthday gift it was! Thank you God---d---d” The word God just could not come out of his mouth, it was broken down into pieces, as was his belief in God Itself.

Out of the window of his private room, the sun was setting across the aristocratic and posh neighborhood of the town. World surely hadn’t changed. His father had bought him a bungalow in this part of the town thirty years earlier. Two years later, on an evening like today, he had received a call from the same hospital. His father was dying, dying of loneliness, dying of solitude, dying of isolation. His father had bought him a bungalow but couldn’t draw the love that his son had shown for his mother, for it was his father’s own fault; he had left them both when his son was born. That son would never come. At 4’o clock in the morning he had received another call. His father had died. He couldn’t even be there at the demise of his earthly creator.

“Sorry Dad.” He said while tears flowed out of his eyes.

He was helpless- so helpless that he couldn’t even remove tears from his face. Tears made a stream from his eyes to the fabric on the bed. His own life circle- he thought. Starting from the birth in the eye... and ending at absorption in the fabric and between that- he thought- there will be thousands of memories for a single tear for it had a life of its own too- a life like his own- a life like everyone else in this world.

His trauma shattered by a crying sound from the room on left side.

“Indeed, nothing has changed.” he mumbled to himself, remembering the night when his son was born- when he had witnessed the miracle of his life; the miracle of birth.

Another new born in this world- he thought- another of those children who won’t love their parents- another of those teenagers who are willing to ignore their parent’s illness for a silly dating experience- he continued to curse them as the child’s crying voice disappeared behind the pane of reminiscences and memoirs that he was now recollecting. He had stood up all night, holding his son in his arms so that he wouldn’t cry.

“Son, please come quickly. I need to hold you in my arms for one last time.” He said.

Now he needed his son to hold him in his arms, but his voice kept coming back, echoing back from the walls of the room. It seemed as if his own father was calling him, and he wouldn’t listen. He had been too busy enjoying the sunset with his wife that he had forgotten- forgotten about his father. Now it was his time to repay.

“Life is completing its cycle” he said to himself, “it is taking revenge from me. But I wouldn’t give up, I will fight another night of despair and desolation, I will survive to see my son, I will stay alive until I see my grand son, I will.”

He fell asleep. A deep sleep; result of the medicine he had been injected with.


Author’s note:

It was his daily routine. For four years now, he has been remembering and recollecting all memories and reminiscences every night before he falls to sleep. Hoping that he would see his son before his eternal sleep, hoping that he will never wake up again to suffer these miseries, hoping…
But the cycle continues.

Heaven Whispers

Fear. An eerie night brings fear into my mind, my imagination and my thought. Having spent my whole life searching for the truth- the truth which will set me free- the truth that will guide me- the truth that will bless me, I have even lost count- lost count of the lies, deceptions and shams that I, so blatantly, have committed to find the ultimate reality.

Figures, memories and emotions, are all running through the narrow tunnels of the grotesque, yet tiny, human mind that I possess. But aren’t they the creation of my own mind- the mind which has made me do things- the mind that has decided my fate- the mind that has shaped the reality- the mind that has formed the concept of ME. Do I even exist? Does the reality hold? What is reality? Who defines it? What is real and what is abstract? How do we even know that the person that we are today even exists or not in the universe? Or even does the universe exist or is it the mere thought of our minds? If this universe exists than God must have made it. But then God- What is God? Is it a simple explanation of things that are beyond our imagination or a real entity? Did God create reality or did we form the reality of God?

Silence. Deep silence. Far away from the shores of imagined realism, yes imagined realism, come whispers- whispers that pose these questions- whispers that compel me to find the answers- whispers that leave me clues to discover the veiled secrets, to find the ultimate truth. Yet as I move to unravel this vagueness, I find it impossible to do it without lies, without imagination and without deception. Ironical as it may seem, I am probing for truth by lying; I am searching for reality with abstract imagination. Still I move on- I move on in the hope of silencing these whispers- I move on in the hope of unearthing the mysteries- I move on in the hope of discovering I. I move on.

“Stop.”, Whispers again.

Over my shoulder I can hear whispers, calling my name, trying to stop me. Fear again. Questions running through my mind, yet fearful and terrified enough to not look backwards was I. My feet freeze again, my body stands still, my mind- my mind is battered by a barrage of fear, apprehension, curiosity and queries. Wind starts to blow; I can see it is changing direction now.

“Denial is not the best resort. Reality exists. God exists. I exist.”

“Move forward. I want answers.”

“I must stop, or it may be too late”

My mind is forcing me to budge forward, my feet not willing to do so. Fear running through my veins again- fear of the answers that might lie ahead- fear of the Reality- fear of losing heaven. Yet I want to move onwards to search for the ultimate truth. But fear is a potent, compelling and persuasive power. I have given up. I am not I, I am what heaven whispers. I am reality.

Silence

Silence. Complete silence encompassing every corner of the sea- a sea of hope and promise, a sea heralding the felicity. A part of the vast ocean filled with the water flowing down from the streams of tears, having their source in the glaciers of a battered mind. I am so worthless for I have tried to escape this silence- I have tried. I have tried to challenge the gigantic waves of this gargantuan ocean- I have. The island of success would never come closer; never close enough for me to fight away my fears.

Yet I started my journey- a journey, which I knew, won’t take me anywhere. But I had to put my courage to test. I just had to. The path was not easy, but I was not going to surrender. Hope was the foundation upon which I was building my empire of dreams. Dreams that might not appear to be of much importance to a normal person, but they were everything to me.

Hoping that one-day they’re going to reach the shores of realism. Expecting that all the dreams, all the fantasies will turn into reality. I jumped into this unfathomable ocean. Fighting against all odds, combating my own fears, defending the castle of my dreams. I was not going to hold back. The first sign of life I saw was a bird- a bird that was flying up so high. A bird filled with love, flying far away from me. I was avid; I needed something to fill my appetite for atonement.

Thunder. Thunder that broke the silence. Lightning crashed into that little bird. It fell right next to me. It was alive- alive and even more energetic and vibrant than me. It gave me strength- strength to fight the waves, strength to wipe away my tears. It made me realize- a realization of the verve I had, a realization that I could make it through all the ups and downs of my life.

Water came down from the clouds of contentment, water that washed heartrending thoughts away from my mind. I felt I was someone else, I felt complete, I felt contented.

Clock kept on ticking. Time was moving forward, or was it? Wasn’t the time moving backwards and we budging forward? Time… Time was going to change the course of my existence. For the first time I felt that I could make it. Was I wrong? Was I dreaming? I didn’t know. I just kept on augmenting my vigor from that bird- the bird that had taught me how to realize my dreams, how to defend them, how to find the islands of success. With winds pushing me away from the shores, with thunders deafening me, with lightning making me blind, I continued because I knew I had that bird.

That bird became my friend, my cohort, and my companion. It was my strength. It was my verve. It was my reason of existence. If it were not for that bird, I would have lost hope. I kept on trying, kept on moving. I could see the shores of realism right ahead. Was it an illusion? I hoped it wasn’t. Hope was the only thing that bound that bird and me together. We were so close to reality yet so far. Time was running out. Thunders were louder. Lightning was crashing. Windstorms were gaining strength.

I was not ready to give up but the bird just could not weather the storm- a storm that had united us- a storm that had awakened me- a storm that had given me hope that I could make it. It had left. It had left me amidst the cruel world of my own imagination. It had made me realize that I could not make it. It had betrayed me. It had given up on our dreams. It had made reality seem far away. It had lost me in the ocean of imagination. It had…

Lightning crashed and I was alone again. I was awake. I had given up on my dreams, aspirations, and fantasies. I had lost. I had realized that dreams never existed, that love never existed and that time never existed. It had made me realize that I did not exist- I was not the same person anymore. I was not I. I was mere chimera of what used to be reality. I was dead.

Silence. Silence again…

Democracy in Pakistan: Myth or Reality

The political environment of countries having colonial background is turbulent, evolutionary, and chaotic to say the least. From coasts of South Africa to Himalayas in South Asia, country after country has been marred by the political and social unrest. While many attribute it to the factors and policies of the governments that came into power after the country’s creation, I continue to believe that some of this instability may be linked with the colonial psychology prevalent in the ruling elite of these highly exploited nations. Highly marginalizing institutions in these countries continue to make sure that income and power disparities are here to stay.

Pakistan has been a victim of foreign sanctions and enormous criticism from the so-called advocates of democracy since the time of its inception. A fact that goes unnoticed undetected and remains to be underlined is that considering the volatile geo-political and socio-economic environment of Pakistan, it has been necessary for the military to intervene at certain stages of history in our country. The ground realities continue to remain the same and the feudalist system continues to dominate and exploit the already poor faction of the society. Therefore we need to further look into the minor details that amalgamate into decisive factors that shape our country’s democratic future.

First of all the fundamental reason that most of the critics tend to overlook is the fact that institutions and socio-economic structures that govern Pakistan have not been changed entirely since partition in 1947. British created these systems to exploit the local population and left with these structures and institutions lingering on. Faces have changed but system has not. From East India Company to the current ruling elite of Pakistan, the two hundred year old history has much in common.

The ruling elite of Pakistan which consists of feudal lords, bureaucrats and military has its own vested interests. As far as democracy in Pakistan is concerned it has never been there. A brief look at the history of Pakistan’s parliament would reveal that not a single member of parliament has been from a middle-class family. The so-called democracy runs in a few highly esteemed families who own the lands or factories. The middle class and lower class have been exploited again and again by the elite so much so that there is a huge chasm between them and the bourgeoisie class now. It’s in the interest of ruling elite not to let the masses get educated. It is, therefore, made sure behind the closed doors of Parliament that no such policy is developed which enables the masses to be educated enough to differentiate between the right and wrong. The consequence is that peasants of such landlords are forced to vote for their respective landowners. Once in power they exploit and subjugate the people who have voted for them. Self interests are given the highest priority even above the country. The cycle continues.

Some people believe that Islam can be blamed for the absence of true democracy in Pakistan. The difference lies in the definition of democracy. Islam promotes democracy in a way that all the important decisions are taken by the people who know what is in the best interests of the masses, people who can think rationally and people who can think above themselves. This is something that hasn’t been happening in Pakistan, and that has lead Pakistan to current state of affairs. If democracy is all about giving the voting rights to uneducated, subjugated, marginalized and exploited people who can not differentiate between right and wrong, than I am afraid we can not expect any change in the socio-economic structure of Pakistan. Faces will keep on changing from Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto to Benazir Bhutto and from Nawaz Sharif to Shahbaz Sharif but families will remain the same. The cycle will continue until there is a revolution or a military dictator who is willing to go against his own institution for betterment of the country. Till than we can sit in our luxurious homes and criticize Pakistan for not being a "Democratic State".

The October 1999 Coup: Reprisal or Conspiracy

People could be seen dancing in the streets on the night of 12th October 1999, when airports had been taken over, telephones stopped working in Islamabad and Sharif’s home town Lahore; the Army had taken over the government. The whole world was expecting this not to mention Sharif himself, who had just sacked Musharraf with the apprehension in his mind that if he did not do so, Musharraf will take over the reigns. Musharraf eventually did manage to take over the government, but there will be questions in people’s mind what really happened on 12th October 1999.

The history between Musharraf and Sharif begins to unfold in the aftermath of dismissal of General Jehangir Karamat, who was chief of army staff at that time. Musharraf was superseded above many senior generals, so that Sharif could manipulate him more easily, and made the army chief. Army was unhappy at the removal of General Karamat and at the attempts of Sharif to gain full control of the country through Shariah Law. This was considered as an attempt to nullify military establishment and bureaucracy. The turning point occurred in May 1999 when Pakistan army and Kashmiri militants sought control of the Kargil area in Kashmir supposedly on Musharraf’s orders. Pakistan gained tactical advantage and Indian Army was suffering heavy casualties there. What was more alarming for Indian PM, Atal Bihari Vajpai, was the fact that it all came after his visit to Lahore, when both countries were trying to solve their half a century old issues.

By late May and early June 1999, a serious military conflict was underway along a hundred and fifty kilometers border in the Kargil area. Pakistan denied its involvement; a claim which was not taken seriously anywhere around the world. The whole situation was further clouded for the outside observers because it was unclear that who was calling the shots in Islamabad. Sharif seemed to be genuinely interested in the peace process that had started in February 1999, while General Musharraf remained in a different mold. He was said to be a hardliner who had wanted to settle the score with India once and for all.
Given the nuclear capabilities of both South Asian neighbors, United States was forced to intervene. At first United States undersecretary Thomas Pickering informed both sides about its concerns in late may. Then US secretary of state, Madeline Albright, called Sharif, while General Tony Zinni called Musharraf, asking them both to withdraw Pakistani backed forces from Kargil. That message did not work. So, United States went public condemning the Pakistani initiative in the disputed territory and asked Pakistan to pull its troops back. The American stand made Sharif realize the fact that Pakistan was left isolated at the international forum and even evergreen partner China asked both sides to exercise restraint. By the end of June, Sharif had started to seek for American help to solve the problem. (Riedel, 2002)

On the 2nd of July, Sharif called President Bill Clinton asking him if he could visit Washington. President Clinton told him in clear terms he will only help in facing Pakistan’s face in international community if Pakistan was ready to withdraw its troops from Kargil. At that time Sharif seemed desperate to stay in power and it was obvious that his military was not backing him and was even trying to get him out of power. On 4th of July, Sharif finally arrived in Washington. He brought his whole family with him fearing that he might not be able to go back to Pakistan if he withdrew the forces. He told Washington that his military was asking him to take a tougher stand on Kashmir issue while he personally felt obliged to Lahore peace process. Washington was already annoyed at Sharif for carrying out the Nuclear Tests in May 1998 despite the offers of economic and military aid. US-Pakistan relationship was not helped by Pakistan’s involvement in Kargil either. Clinton told Sharif that once Kargil was over, India would have more credibility with US than Pakistan. Sharif was disappointed at American response and asked Clinton to help him stay in power and save Pakistan’s face. On 4th of July a joint statement was issued where Sharif announced troops’ withdrawal from Kargil to the displeasure of military back home.

The situation further deteriorated in Pakistan’s political arena. US knew that strings were being pulled by Army headquarters in Rawalpindi rather than Islamabad. Army was not at all happy at Sharif’s decision to withdraw the forces rendering the military a loser in the whole power game. Series of events, from General Karamat’s sacking to Sharif’s Shariah Law to Kargil withdrawal, had lead the army to believe that Sharif was trying to offset Army’s influence in country’s affairs. Army had started to plan a coup. At the army’s headquarters in Rawalpindi, it had been decided that if Sharif took another step against the Army’s will, he will be overthrown.

Sharif was aware of the whole scenario and knew where to look for help. In September 1999, he sent his brother Shahbaz to Washington to inform them that all was not well in Islamabad. According to Bruce Riedel, special adviser to the President of United States, Shahbaz was interested in making Washington realize that his brother needed Washington’s help to stay in power. (Riedel, 2002) He told Clinton that a military coup was inevitable, but Washington denied any such intelligence information. Clinton told him that Washington won’t interfere in the internal affairs of any other country, a claim that could be found false in many other examples.

The final nail in Sharif’s coffin arrived on the evening of 12th October, 1999, when Musharraf was aboard a plane on his way back from Sri Lanka, he provoked the army to rebel by sacking him. Sharif made the grave mistake of not taking the army in confidence before committing such attempt. Musharraf’s plane was bound for Karachi when Sharif sacked him. Karachi airports’ runway lights had been turned off and the runway was blocked by fire vehicles. Musharraf was called to the cockpit of the plane and was told about the whole situation. He was told that his plane won’t be allowed to land anywhere in Pakistan jeopardizing the lives of hundreds of people in that plane. The pilot told him that the plane did not have much fuel to continue to Dubai and Musharraf won’t agree to land in India. (Jones, 2002)
He asked the pilot to inform the authorities about the situation and how it could end hundreds of innocent lives. Sharif was made aware of this fact, and he asked General Ziauddin, the newly appointed army chief, to take over the Nawabshah airport, in northern Sindh, and ordered the plane to be refueled and forced to leave. By this time Army had become aware of the ground realities and took charge of the things. They took over Sharif’s residence and put him under house arrest. The newly appointed army chief was with Sharif and he was taken into custody as well. The next step that army took was to take over Karachi Airport and inform the pilot to come back to Karachi. Musharraf was made aware of the ground situation, but he was not ready to believe it. He considered it as a plan to capture him. He ordered the plane to stay in air despite the fact that fuel was going down. It was not until he had talked to a close friend who was a general in Army that he decided to land in Karachi. (Jones, 2002)

The aftermath of the whole 12th October scenario came in the shape of the military coup. The list of reasons may go on and on but the fact remains that the incidents that lead to 12th October, include the running over of Supreme Court by Sharif’s supporters, removal of General Jehangir Karamat, the nuclear tests of May 1998, Shariah law and Kargil war. Sharif stood alone amidst the Military, United States and Pakistani public. United States did not help him because they were annoyed at him for nuclear tests and Kargil war. Military never came to terms with him and Pakistanis in general didn’t like him for his government’s socio-economic policies. The lessons to be learnt here are that no matter how much you advocate democracy, the reality is much different. In a country like Pakistan, where history is marred with dictatorships after every decade democracy can’t work. People might say that United States doesn’t play an active role in Pakistan’s foreign policy anymore, but even the most recent and significant event in our history shows that no matter how much we deny it, we are still a victim of colonialism or neo-colonialism or whatever name you might like to give. Maybe someday we’ll be able to stand up on our feet and take our decisions on our own. Till then our prime ministers and presidents will keep on flying to Washington and obey the orders of their capitalist masters.





Reference:

Jones, Owen Bannett. Pakistan: the eye of the storm, New Haven: Yale University press, 2002

Riedel, Bruce. American Diplomacy and 1999 Kargil Summit.2002. Center for the Advanced Study of India, Pennsylvania University, .

Globalization of Capitalism

In today’s world, we have global terrorism, global alliances, global technologies and global multinational giants whose commercial interests lie in producing more of the same for as many people as possible. But this globalization has its good as well as dire impacts on the world’s political system. The world we see today is anarchic in nature to say the least. We have conflicts and disharmony all around the globe. The disparities between developed and developing countries are ever-increasing. The question that arises then is; are we moving in a positive direction?

The first world countries that are developed, have a democratic political system, and are technologically advanced and wealthy are now called Global North. Global south consists of countries once described as the second world and the third world. The second world countries believed in the common economic reforms and were influenced by the communism. The third world countries are underdeveloped and mostly have a colonial background. They don’t have proper democratic governments, lack technological progress and are dependant on the wealthy global north.

The end of the Cold War brought a new era of economic globalization, the era in which free trade and force of freedom was to be promoted. It was hoped that capitalism will help the third world countries to improve their economic conditions. The proponents
of capitalism argued that capitalism was based upon the human beings’ natural instinct of choice and freedom. According to them, the system that they were bringing into the world would not only benefit the rich countries but will also be a vital factor in improving the deteriorating economies of third world countries, because, according to capitalists, the system was based on justice. [Rand, Ayn] In many ways capitalism was beneficial in eliminating slavery, feudalism and racism among many other things.

However, the free trade system was imposed on the developing countries before they were ready to accept it. Organizations such as the W.T.O were formed under the rules formulated by rich countries. These developed countries wanted the South to fall in line. World Bank and IMF, which were also controlled by the First World, gave loans to the developing countries. These loans helped the First World to impose neo-imperialism on the Global South. Over the years, the level of debt service of many developing countries, particularly from Africa and Latin America, has become incompatible with sustainable development, which shows the shackles that neo-imperialism has imposed on these countries.

With the advent of globalization, it was hoped that it would bring peace, prosperity and improvement of the whole world due to the free movement of capital, goods and services. However, it has not been able to realize these high hopes and the growth has been uneven. Disparity in income and wealth between nations continues to be a major concern. Commenting on the globalization and its impacts on marginalization of Global South, the secretary general of United Nations Mr. Kofi Annan said:

"Despite its advantage of increasing wide choices and new opportunities for both individuals and nations worldwide due to rapid spread of technology and more advanced modern skills, globalization has its dark side which led to the marginalization of poor countries in particular." [Annan Blames South Marginalization on Globalization, 2000]

It is a fact that globalization has so far not worked for the developing countries. It has rather made them susceptible to peripheral shocks and accentuated their economic problems. In fact, liberalization of economies and open markets has in many ways negatively affected the fragile economies of the world's poorest nations. The obvious outcome is persistent poverty and ever-widening income, social and technological gaps between the "haves" and the "have-nots".
The core reason for the underdevelopment of Global South is explained by dependency theorists. According to them, the cause of low levels of development among the Global South countries is their dependency on more developed countries. Theotonio Dos Santos defines dependency as:


"an historical condition which shapes a certain structure of the world economy such that it favors some countries to the detriment of others and limits the development possibilities of the subordinate economics" [Dos Santos, 1971]

The dependency of the Global South on the Global North can be attributed to the fact that these countries don’t have specialization of goods that developed countries possess due to their technologically sophisticated industries. It leads to the need for trade between developed and developing countries. The trade between the technologically superior countries and less developed countries gives the developing countries the hope that they can eventually catch up with the first world. The cause of such high hopes lies with the inflow of foreign direct investment coming from the developed world. The real picture is anything but like this in most cases. Multinational Companies (MNCs) set up their plants in developing countries in order to allure the host country’s people to believe that their country is getting much needed economic growth.

The irony of this whole scenario is that the developed countries, having the upper hand, can impose their policies in return for these goods as well as the foreign direct investment that they provide. The investment coming from these developed countries is not primarily trying to sustain the growth of the economy of the host state; instead it is there because of low labor wages, cheap raw materials and convenient tax laws. The host country, being on the receiving end, can’t resist the policies implemented by the large multinational companies fearing that it would lead to drawing of investment. Thus, the profits of such organizations increase which they take back to their home country instead of investing it in the host country’s economy. Right from the beginning, third world countries were coercively incorporated into the European economic structure only as producers of raw materials or to serve as repositories of low-priced labor, and were deprived of the opportunity to market their resources in any way that competed with the core states. Muhammad Bennouna, the chairman of G-77 expressed his concerns over the issue saying:

"We do believe that most developing countries continue to face problems of access to markets, capital and technology and many grappled with the structural transformation necessary for their integration into the world economy". [G-77 Chairman Warns of Widening Gap Between Rich and Poor Nations, 2003]

This marginalization of economies of Global South by the Global North can be traced to globalization of capitalism. Capitalism's ideal is a borderless global economy in which money and goods can be moved freely in search of short-term maximum profits without regard to its consequence for people, communities and nature. The critics of capitalism continuously argue that the mass of people in Africa and Asia are literally starving to death on a daily basis, as a result of the globalization of capitalism and its exploitation of the working classes of these regions. When we speak of capitalism and its rise to prominence at the time of globalizations we are talking about big western corporations and their control of the world's markets and production as discussed above. Unprecedented wealth exists in this world alongside abject poverty, with massive disparities in levels of economic and social development. Statistics in this regard are staggering.

• Global North has 23% of the world’s population, and 85% of the world’s income, while Global South has 77% of the world’s population, and 15% of the world’s income.
• The world's poorest 50 countries are home to 20 per cent of the world's population, yet they account for less than 2 per cent of the world's income.
• The 20 per cent of the world's population at the top of the income ladder receives 83 per cent of global income.
• The 20 per cent of the world's population at the bottom of the income ladder receives only 1.5 per cent of global income.
• In 1994, transnational corporations racked up sales of over $4.8 trillion, a volume larger than all of world trade put together.
• The United States remains the world's "powerhouse of wealth", according to Forbes Magazine, which reported that, in 1994, 129 of the world's 388 billionaires lived there, the richest individual having a net worth of $13.4 billion. (UN, 1996)

Factors other than globalization, which contributed to the slow economic growth or in some cases no growth at all in the developing countries, are numerous. Although not a single one of them stands out to be as imperative and gloomy as globalization. The colonial past of many developing states left them with a conflict regarding their identity.

Many colonizers intentionally created differences among their colonies, which lead to a continuous arms race. This arms race crippled the economies of developing countries like India and Pakistan. The present state of poor economic conditions in the Global South, the low quality of life and the lack of development in developing countries lead to greater frustration among their people. Due to this frustration, some countries suffered military rule, while others suffered from ethnic and sectarian conflicts. Lack of employment, sectarian and ethnic conflicts, high rates of illiteracy and disregard for law and order were some of the factors that hindered the economic progress.

Although there are exceptional cases in which countries like Asian Tigers have used the globalization of capitalism to their advantage to catch up with the developed world. But generally capitalism has lead to the exploitation of the poorest countries of the world. The statistics mentioned above portray the real picture that capitalists try to hide. Though in some cases capitalism has succeeded to fulfill the expectations of some developing countries, but more often than not it has allowed for the marginalization of Global South by Global North, making the developed countries more rich and developing countries poorer. Criticism of globalization of capitalism doesn’t necessarily imply that communism is its only alternative. Communism has its dark sides as well, which, in my view, are even darker than capitalism. We have tried Communism and globalization of capitalism, and both of them have failed miserably in lessening the income, social and technological disparities between countries. May be its about time we try to find a new economic model for the betterment of the whole world that will decrease if not eliminate this division between Global South and Global North.

Bibliography:

Rand, Ayn. Capitalism. 2003. Accessed 2 Nov. 2004

Theotonio Dos Santos, "The Structure of Dependence," in K.T. Fann and Donald C. Hodges, eds., Readings in U.S. Imperialism. Boston: Porter Sargent, 1971, p.226.

"Annan Blames South Marginalization on Globalization" People, 13 April 2000. Accessed 06 November 2004

"G-77 Chairman Warns of Widening Gap Between Rich and Poor Nations" Journal of Group 77 16/2 (2003). Accessed 02 Nov. 2004

UN. 1996. United Nations Development Program. Accessed 03 Nov. 2004.

Science vs Religion: A Typical Never-Ending Saga

Dawkins: Hi, How are you doing?

Yahya: I am good. What about you?

Dawkins: I am good too. I am pleased to meet you at this seminar. I have read quite a lot of your writings, although they have not convinced me at all. That’s why I wanted to have a dialogue with you on the topic of evolution.

Yahya: Yeah, I have heard about you as well. I am very glad that I met you here. I read that evolutionists believe that life was created by chance.

Dawkins: Yes. We do.

Yahya: Laboratory experiments and probabilistic calculations have definitely made it clear that the proteins from which life arises could not have been formed by chance.

Dawkins: I can see what you are getting at. Please go ahead.

Yahya: There are twenty different amino acids. If we consider that an average-sized protein molecule is composed of 288 amino acids, there are 10 300 different combinations of acids. Of all of these possible sequences, only "one" forms the desired protein molecule. The other amino-acid chains are either completely useless or else potentially harmful to living things. In other words, the probability of the coincidental formation of only one protein molecule cited above is "1 in 10 300 ". The probability of this "1" occurring out of an "astronomical" number consisting of 1 followed by 300 zeros is for all practical purposes zero; it is impossible.

Dawkins: This approach to a definition of complexity is promising my friend, but something more is still needed. There are billions of ways of throwing together the bits of Mont Blanc, it might be said, and only one of them is Mont Blanc. So what is it that makes the humans complicated, if Mont Blanc is simple?

Yahya: I don’t understand what you are saying. Could you explain it more?

Dawkins: If you consider all possible ways in which rocks have been put together at Mont Blanc, it can be seen that only one will make Mont Blanc. Any chunk of large rocks could have been labeled a mountain or Mont Blanc. The problem lies with our hindsight. We know that it is Mont Blanc because of our hindsight. We cannot believe that an airliner can be made out of scattered parts by itself, because odds are against it in large numbers. Our hindsight tells us that some company must have made this plane because it cannot make itself.

Yahya: Even if we put aside the chances of the creation of life, another hindrance in proving evolution theory is that you have not been able to find any fossils, which belong to the species, which was neither a human being nor an ape. Although there have been claims like that of Piltdown Man. But they have been proved wrong again and again.

Dawkins: I knew that you would ask this question. Theo logicians often quote the example of eye and evolutionists argue about its evolution. The fact of the matter is that eyes don’t fossilize. As far as other missing links are concerned, I don’t think much work has been done since Darwin presented his theory of evolution. It will take time, but I am sure at some time we will be able to find the fossils of the missing species between humans and apes.

Yahya: Do you think that everything in life has no creator? Do you say that it has no purpose? If you wake up in the morning and you see the sun from your window, would you say that it is by chance that every day you see sun coming from east? Don’t you think that everything that surrounds us requires the ultimate skill and intelligence on the part of its creator? Lets consider the example of the stapler pin. If you think that its shape and creation was by chance, and its purpose came into existence when people thought about its use, I am afraid that you are terribly wrong. Any logical person will tell you that stapler pin was made for the very purpose of keeping papers together. If it is true for such simple thing as a stapler pin, than how come much more complex creations like human beings are created from chance and have no specific purpose?

Dawkins: I don’t completely disagree with you in this regard. I do believe that life was created by chance. But the natural selection is its planning controller. Natural selection does not plan in advance and it has no purpose in view except for the survival of the fittest. It is the master planner for the human beings and other species present on this earth. It gives us the illusion of there being a master creator and designer behind everything. Lets take the example of bats. They have been able to use radar technology for millions of years. They use this technique to hunt for preys in the night. They hunt in the night because of natural selection. They can’t hunt in the day because in the daylight there are too many animals that are hunting for preys. So they have to opt for hunting in the night. We have used the same technology in radar and sonar. Our experience of technology does impress upon us the need for the purposeful designer behind the sophisticated machinery. In the case of living machinery, it is the natural selection that has made bats to use their voice and ears for traveling in the night. So, the designer is unconscious natural selection.

Yahya: My friend, I guess we both belong from different schools of thought. No matter how much I explain my viewpoint it is not going to make any difference. So, I guess we should end this discussion here.

Dawkins: We agree on one thing eventually. Lets end it here. It was nice spending time with you.

Yahya: May God bless you.

Dawkins: Yeah! I wonder if God is blessed himself or not!!!