Sleepless- Chapter One

He was sitting there- staring out of the window- staring at the darkness that engulfed his surroundings- staring at the clouds that covered a full moon- staring at the lamp burning miles from where he sat- staring blankly was he…

Sleep seemed like a dream, a longing, and a distinct, almost impossible, possibility. The fact that he hadn’t slept in seven days did not seem to take its toll on him at all. He looked fresh, vigorous, vivacious and vibrant despite sitting idly besides the window. He wanted to open the glass pane of the window but was afraid- afraid of the cold breeze- afraid of its effects on his sleepless sleep.

Yes! Sleepless sleep: He was awake yet in a dream- he was tired yet energetic- he was confused yet clearheaded- he was surrounded by a plethora of contradictions. At this point in time he did not want to think pragmatically- he wanted to be a dreamer, an escapist, an idealist…

Deep in the shadows of the darkness, someone was screaming for help, yelling for assistance, hollering for care. He didn’t respond-

His problem?

He was tired- tired to care- tired of being there.

He had become indifferent, numb, and aloof to all the occurrences even in his own street. In the background, The Cranberries were playing ‘Dreams’ on the radio- their sound extenuating any chance of him hearing the call for help. May be he could hear the voice but was not willing to respond. May be he never heard the call. May be he was just being an apathetic…

Clouds roared with earsplitting thunders- Raindrops started hitting the glass-window blurring his vision. Maybe it was raindrops that blurred his vision or maybe his lack of sleep was eventually catching up on him. He closed his eyes for the first time in seven days…

Belief, Denial, Faith and Doubts

A vicious cycle is being followed throughout the globe. He looked up at the sky wondering if there was a God or not. All he could see was pale blue sky littered with some grey clouds here and there. He stopped in his tracks, looked back and tried to trace his own steps. He was standing in the middle of a desert with no one else is his sight. Yet he could not figure out how his own footsteps were being erased from the sand. There was not a single hint of wind blowing. If there had been some wind he wouldn’t have minded it at all. He had been in the desert for past 26 hours and nobody had come to his rescue. He finally gave in- buried his head in the sand- waited for divine intervention. For the first time in his life, he hoped for the idea of a God to be true. The miracle happened. The rescue got to him. She was beautiful.

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She was sitting alone in her apartment. The only light present in the room was coming from a crack in window blinds. She was staring at the television which was switched off. She was staring at her own reflection. Her life had been brilliant- her family ever present- her love never departed- her child, at her, never shouted- yet she sat there all alone. She wondered what had left her in such a desolate place. She wondered and no answers arrived. Then it hit her like a lightening strike in a dark moonless night. The flash blinded her for a second. She closed her eyes- took a deep breath- her denial came crashing down- she achieved peace after all. The window opened and the room was lit up.

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He was fighting against the current- fighting for survival- fighting to save her life- fighting. The flood had taken them by surprise. Chatting in their small chateau off the coast of Spain, they were living their perfect happy lives. They loved the smell of earth that came due to the rain- they loved every part of their lives. Suddenly the flood struck their home and she found herself clinging on to his arm for her life. She had faith in him- he had faith in her- they knew they’d make it. They were together. But it wasn’t meant to be. Faith is a strange thing- placed in wrong places, it can lead to doubts. He died- she was rescued.

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Why wouldn’t she have doubts now? Why wouldn’t she be in denial?

“because that light coming from the crack in the window is bigger and better than anything else. It is hope, it is life, it is faith- kept in the right place- the place of God.”

A Lesson Learnt, A Life Wasted...

I had been feeling hollow and empty for past couple of days. Everything was silent and wonderful; and I kept on asking myself what gives me satisfaction? What are our lives all about? Why are we here? Why are we doing what we do? What is the purpose of our lives? No answers arrived. It was all so hushed and still; a bit too much silence for me. It felt as if I was walking over the waters of calm ocean of numbness. I never thought that I was standing on top of a monster that was just waiting to unleash itself. I never thought that. It was fun being numb. It was fun being oblivious. It was fun to question the life that I had. It was all so much fun…

But as they say one doesn’t appreciate what he has. I did the same thing. I never appreciated the beautiful things about myself and my life. I never understood what this life really meant to me. I never spoke out loud what I really felt inside me. I never could. Today that sleeping monster has unleashed itself and I find myself fighting for my life- the life that I had made fun of- the life that I had questioned about so ruthlessly- the life that at that time meant nothing to me- that life- How I wish it would not all go away.

Today when everything has gone from bad to worse, I find myself wondering if I have brought it upon myself. May be I have never been thankful enough- may be I haven’t been thankful at all. May be I was being unrealistic and selfish- may be I was being idealistic. Today when everything around me seems to be sinking in the abyss of lost hope, I find myself yearning for my old life. I want to hang onto it. I want to enjoy it as much as I can. I don’t know if I ever will as my fate hangs in balance. People say fate has its own ways of bringing us back into reality. Today was the day when fate has indeed brought me into this chaos and clutter that we call reality. May be the storm will pass, may be the monster will die, may be I will hold onto my life or may be not. One thing is certain though, that I will never yearn for something I really can’t and shouldn’t have. We should all be thankful for what we are, for what we have achieved and for a life that we so easily overlook often.