I had been feeling hollow and empty for past couple of days. Everything was silent and wonderful; and I kept on asking myself what gives me satisfaction? What are our lives all about? Why are we here? Why are we doing what we do? What is the purpose of our lives? No answers arrived. It was all so hushed and still; a bit too much silence for me. It felt as if I was walking over the waters of calm ocean of numbness. I never thought that I was standing on top of a monster that was just waiting to unleash itself. I never thought that. It was fun being numb. It was fun being oblivious. It was fun to question the life that I had. It was all so much fun…
But as they say one doesn’t appreciate what he has. I did the same thing. I never appreciated the beautiful things about myself and my life. I never understood what this life really meant to me. I never spoke out loud what I really felt inside me. I never could. Today that sleeping monster has unleashed itself and I find myself fighting for my life- the life that I had made fun of- the life that I had questioned about so ruthlessly- the life that at that time meant nothing to me- that life- How I wish it would not all go away.
Today when everything has gone from bad to worse, I find myself wondering if I have brought it upon myself. May be I have never been thankful enough- may be I haven’t been thankful at all. May be I was being unrealistic and selfish- may be I was being idealistic. Today when everything around me seems to be sinking in the abyss of lost hope, I find myself yearning for my old life. I want to hang onto it. I want to enjoy it as much as I can. I don’t know if I ever will as my fate hangs in balance. People say fate has its own ways of bringing us back into reality. Today was the day when fate has indeed brought me into this chaos and clutter that we call reality. May be the storm will pass, may be the monster will die, may be I will hold onto my life or may be not. One thing is certain though, that I will never yearn for something I really can’t and shouldn’t have. We should all be thankful for what we are, for what we have achieved and for a life that we so easily overlook often.
