Miniature...

He looked anxiously up into the sky and the wind- the clouds- the ideas- the inspirations- all were floating in the air like an eagle flying up high. For all his strength and determination, he could not reach the heights of greatness achieved by all those things- he looked again- looked at his feet- how small compared to the gigantic environment that surrounded him- he felt small- he felt that he could not, for all his courage, achieve the goals set forth by him in the first place. He looked pale- bruised- tired to say the least. Yet he wanted to move ahead with the verve of a fighter- looking to overcome the toughest rival with the glory of a successful hunter.

Glory was his prey- chivalry his weapon and ego his weakness. Wandering haplessly in the streets- he remembered the U2 song “Where the streets have no name”- ironic it may have been for him- since he was there looking and searching for glory- he was lost- aspiration- hopes shattering down in the abyss of desperation- yet he thought he could do it. Life must have been cruel only to him- there he was- standing in front of the mirror-

Glory was right there- he just couldn’t find it for all his determination- a pervasive feeling of disappointment seemed to have overcome his initial desire for glory. Mirror said it all- yet he could not find the answers- the destiny had chosen him to ignore his conscience and let it die. Die- it did…

Duality...

Heaven would have been proud of what he had achieved- the verve- the passion- the commitment- he had showed was certainly the sign of things to come. To assume that this world would ever produce a creature like him would have been the grotesque mistake on anyone’s part. But he was not elated- nor was he excited- he was just going through the motions- the life of uncertainty- a life of shadows and memoirs- a collection of wishes and desires- for he had been an eloquent preacher of procrastination. Was he a mechanical machine? He wondered at times yet could not find the answers to his queries.

Then came the biggest realization of his life- realization of the hypocrisies- realization of the dual faces- realization of dual standards- an unintended conspiracy that he was a blatant part of. Like an earthquake that jolts the very foundations of even high rise buildings, it hit him hard- so hard that it shoved his very basic beliefs, norms and values of life. The expression on his face could have been exchanged for a terrified child standing on a rail line facing an oncoming train- yet somewhere deep inside him, he knew he had achieved what they could not. It all started with a whisper- a shallow whisper that surrounded him-

“They think I have lost it. What do they think of themselves huh? I can do what anyone cannot. I will show them that they are wrong. I will come back again” He was talking to himself after being overlooked for a presidential award for excellence in science due to him being a schizophrenic. That’s when the whisper started…

“They don’t exist…”

“Really?” He asked.

“Yes. They don’t really exist. It is you who has derived the concept of they and them inspired by the people around you.” The whisper would not go away.

“Go away… They have not given me a Nobel Prize for nothing. They think that my work is my own imagination, not something inspired by someone else. It’s just that they think that I see people who are not real but I will prove them wrong.” He retorted.

“See. That’s what I am talking about. They did this- they did that. Have you ever wondered what are you without them? What are you without taking yourself in the context of this world? What have you achieved for yourself rather than doing something to improve the way you are looked and perceived by others? Life is not only about they or them my friend! There is more to life than that. You say that they think you see people who are not real; have you ever wondered how unreal you are yourself.” It had started to get on his nerves now.

“It may be true that I have overlooked myself as an individual in an effort to fulfill others’ expectation of me.” He tried to control his emotions. “Yet there is a catch there sucker! which people like you don’t get. If I ignore they or them in pursuit of quest for my own inner satisfaction, it would be impossible to survive in this world. What I am facing here is a dilemma. Do you get that now?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the one who is right- you think that you have every right to judge what to do for yourself. Unfortunately you are wrong. God did not make you the way you are upon your own discretion dude. Life moves on- days go by- months never stop passing- yet you are wasting yourself… look around you- how many people have benefited from your prestigious little Nobel Prize- How many? You don’t have the answer. Do you? I’ll tell you how many. No one has benefited from your Prize more than your ego and your pride. It has put you at a place where you have started to imagine that you are above people- but listen… do you really think you are better than all those people who suffer everyday? Are you better than a cobbler? Are you better than an ordinary clerk? Are you better than a peasant? Your ego has gone up so high that someday you are going to crash on your head and when you do, you’ll realize what was the biggest mistake of your life. You have wasted yourself at managing your impressions on other people, while as a person in yourself you have completely lost the race. As a person you have disappointed your conscience- you have taken every little hope that it had away from it. You have outrun yourself my friend!” and the whisper faded away.

He looked awe-inspired now. For the first time in his life, he actually believed that he was a schizophrenic yet he couldn’t have asked for a better realization.

Thunder...

Thunder- Lightning- Raindrops pouring down from the sky- and they stood there amidst it all. For a brief moment everything seemed to have stopped- or may be they did not want to move ahead- standing there in the middle of nowhere- like an astronomer on a dark night looking into the sky, they looked upwards. The night, certainly, was going to give way to sun at some point or the other. Precisely because of that they were not going to let go off this moment- this precious moment when hope seemed to have been fulfilled- when life eventually seemed to have purpose- when shadows seemed to be no longer surrounding them- though the thunder made their shadows on the ground for brief moments- but the fact remains that these brief shadowy moments were engulfed by thousands of moments of joy- so ironic it may sound- somehow the thunder had stolen those few seconds of happiness from their whole lives and joined them together into a night of felicity.

Persuasion- denial- all of it seemingly so pervasive that they could not stop but think about the future. Burying their fears- identifying their strengths- prevailing in the society- a future to look forward to; nothing seemed to be on their mind right now- just a midsummer night fling- a moment of silence- a moment of happiness- a moment of satisfaction- a moment of pride- for they had waited uncountable days for it to happen; so much had happened- yet so little had they changed. Standing on the mountain top- looking into the valley besides- she shook his hand off hers. Amazed- stunned- silenced was he. Feeling as if sinking in the valley beside him- he shook his doubts off- looked at her blank eyes- found nothing except doubts- doubts of betrayal- doubts of lies- doubts of dual faces- He wanted to jump off the cliff- yet she wouldn’t come with him. He tried his level best… Nothing seemed to work. He was not going to do it alone- he thought- thought about times when both of them had come so close- yet they had gone so far- times had changed- they were never so close to each other as they were now. Yet he felt a distance- ironic look in her eyes- as if leaving him in the middle of nowhere. He just couldn’t do it- just couldn’t jump off- shrugged the thought- left her there- came back home to his usual monotonous life- hoping that he will find her again- hoping that they will be together again- till then- he vowed to spend his life like she wanted it to be: a model for everyone around him…

It was the first time death had changed someone’s mind-

And he lived happily ever after…

My first day at this year's internship... RANDOMMMMMMMMMM SHYYYTE

and look what I wrote...

Blah blahblah… so sick of all this… meow!!1
Eh!!
The cat goes wild….
No please no…
Neways…
Life is chill…
And he says… fuck off…
I mean how pretentious can you be!!!
No clue…
Anyways… I just hope that everything turns out to be fine…
No… don’t tell me you have loads of work to do…
Yeah! I am telling you exactly that…
Nothing is new down here…
Howz the weather up there?
Not nice really. I wish I was there with you…
You wish…
Yeah I do wish… Do you have anything against that?
No… How can I have anything against that?
Cos’ you seemed like having some trouble…
No… Obviously infront of you I can’t say anything… can I?
No you can’t.
----------------------------------------------------------------



Yeah I am back again…
I wish you weren’t…
Funny eh? I don’t think so… It sounds so lame dude…
Somebody is pissed off like hell…
No! I am not pissed off mate. I just think you need some psychiatric treatment…
F*** off dude…
Now who is pissed off? Seems like I am the one who is… right?
No listen buddy! no matter how hard you try… your mere presence and your lame remarks won’t piss me off… want to try?
Yeah I know… My presence cannot piss anyone off… I am just too good for that…
Yeah right!
Yeah it is right dude… and you think I can’t irritate you?
Yeah I sure do. Try me?

Fuck it… I am not interested in writing anymore… I have to go do some stuff…
Excuses… excuses… excuses…
No its not an excuse… I will be back …
Electricity just went out… I was thinking may be… I could work too… I am a workaholic you see…
And I am Mel Gibson… duh…
F*** off…
You too…
See you soon…

----------------------------------------



Woops…
What am I doing here?
What? You don’t know what you are doing here mate. That’s strange. I thought you had all the things ready.
Yeah I thought that too. But things change.
Funny. You thought that nothing is going to change.
You will find it funny for sure.
And the tharki is here…
Enough of backbiting…
So what is up with you?
Nothing dude! I am sort of free all the time. You want to know how it feels? Oh, you won’t… sorry.

Just a thought...

There are times when one needs to be numb and secluded from the rest of the world whether that rest of the world consists of humans or just the feeling of sharing stuff. That period of imaginary secludedness is experienced by most of us. Times are changing and although we say that we don't change, but in fact we do no matter how much we deny it. So may be someone is travelling through this transitional phase of this journey.

May be someone is beginning to realise that its the beginning of the end or may be the end of the beginning because it never got started or did it? Someone is left perplexed and confused to say the least. Ironic, it surely is,Considering the ups and downs of it, one might say that it is the worst part when you are going through rough times. And it is vital for humans to realise that it is not always about the relationships between people. It is also significant to take into account the relationship between the soul and body of the individual. Ironically it is forgotten most of the times. It is imperative, therefore, that when that relationship is at stake, one has to give up the other relationships, at least for the time being, to maintain the sanity inside oneself. Why?

Because that latter one is more sacred and significant for the survival of the individual...

Choti Si Kahani...

Choti si kahani se,
Baarishon ke paani se
Saari waadi bhar gayi,
Naa jaane kyon dil bhar gaya,
Naa jaane kyon aankh bhar gaya

I got to watch Ijaazat again after seven years and the more I watched it the more I liked it. Movie starts with this song: Choti Si Kahani Se which is quite ironic and symbolic of the whole movie- a movie which revolves around only three characters and how their lives are interconnected. On a rainy night, Mahinder awaits his train in a small railway station's waiting room. But life, at times, is full of surprises. He meets Sudha there- his ex-wife. From there begins Choti Si Kahani of memories and reminiscences: their journey together through thick and thin of life- a journey of sacrifice- a journey of compromise- a journey of mistakes- a journey that had ended five years ago.

...there is Maya- a wild and free spirit. An impulsive personality who just runs away from life at times- a totally mercurial person- an entity within human body radically different from humans themselves- Mahinder is in love with this girl- this incomprehensible Maya- He was her mentor- her lover- her cohort- her guide- her friend; and ironically she was the same for him. And like always she disappeared unexpectedly and he was forced to marry Sudha by his grandfather. Sudha- she was a total opposite of Maya- she was a symbol of serenity and tranquility- she was what a perfect wife could be- For sometime life had attained normalcy- but not for long.

Maya came back- and now he was stuck in the abyss of dilemmas. He couldn't, for once, forget his love- yet he did not want to cheat on Sudha- a wife that had tried to give him everything. When Sudha gets to know about it- she restrains herself. She tries to be understanding. When she asks Mahinder to give Maya her belongings back which were at Mahinder's place, Mahinder complies. But Maya ironically replies-

Mera kuch saaman tumhaare paas para hai,

Saawan ke kuch bheege bheege din rakhe hain,

aur mere ik khat main lipti raat pari hai,

woh raat bujha do, mera woh saaman lota do,

patjhar main kuch patton ki girne ki aahat,

kaanon main ik baar pehan ke lotayee thee,

patjhar ki woh shaakh abhi tak kaanp rahi hai,

woh shaakh gira do, mera woh saaman lota do,

Ik akeli chatri main jab aadhe aadhe bheeg rahe the,

aadhe geele aadhe sookhe, sukha tau main le aayee thee,

geela mun shaayad bister ke paas para ho,

woh bhijwa do, mera woh saaman lota do,

aik so sola chaand ki raatein, aik tumhare kaandhe ka til,

geeli mehndi ki khushbu, jhoot moot ke shikwe kuch,

jhoot moot ke waade bhi yaad kara do,

sab bhijwa do, mera woh saaman lota do,

aik ijaazar de do bas, jab isko dafnaungi,

main bhi waheen so jaungi...

Ironic- Symbolic. Anguish; it shows- the pain, the irony, the sorrow that she is going through. No one is at fault- but thats how life is... everyone has to go through it. Sudha gracefully walks out of this set up without making it ugly. Mahinder is now left alone without the much wanted care and support of Sudha. Maya as she is- unable and reluctant to understand the gravity of the situation- things just worsen. When Maya finally gets to understand the situation- its already too late.

Gulzar has done remarkable job in turning an ordinary story into a timeless classic. The situations depicted can be related to everyday life- yet its so touching- so sensitive to human desires- one tends to feel absorbed in this movie- Gulzar breaks away from the typical hysterical image of a wife worried about her husband's extra-marital affair. Maya is a character totally out of the blue. At least I haven't come across another movie with the same type of character. Mahinder's character may seem very cliched but Naseeruddin Shah does justice to the role and provides with an exquisite performance. Everytime I see Ijaazat, I tend to find another angle, another quality in the movie- Everytime I go through this journey of remorse and regret, of love and hate, of passion and sacrifice, of wisdom and insanity- I feel absorbed by it even more than before.

Choti Si Kahani...

Homeless Mind

Life- Water- Fire- Smoke- Death- Ashes

He stood there, puzzled and petrified, while rain came pouring down from the skies as if angels were crying their eyes out. Life, it seemed, had moved on- moments, it looked, had passed away- memories, it felt, had been erased- yet he stood there looking out of the top corner of the open window of his room which was letting in the water to ruin wooden floor. Yet the floor being spoilt was the last thing on his mind at that time. His eyes, when seen from outside the window, looked as vacant as a voluntary delegation to hell would look like. Motionless would not have been the adequate word to describe his condition- because he had nothing to do with the word motion itself- nothing whatsoever.

Life seemed meaningless- questions and queries were in huge presence in the part of his body that people call mind. Why? Why do people expect me to be good to them? Why do I want to do impression management? Why do I have care about people’s response? What are these norms, stigmas, taboos and values? What? Why? If we are the supreme beings, then how come society decides for us what we ought to do? But wait, isn’t the society made up of people? Then shouldn’t it be humans who should decide for themselves what is right and what is not? Do we make up the society? Or does the society shape our behavior? The mind remained as vacant and empty as the look in his eyes.

Even the pungent burning smell emanating from the microwave did not capture his attention. He was lost somewhere else or may be it reminded him of the time when he had to watch while his mother had burnt in the kitchen itself. The police never investigated the case as it was considered to be a taboo in his family to let the body get massacred due to postmortem. Only he knew that the real culprits were his grandmother and aunt who did not like his mother. The resulting fire in his own kitchen from the microwave could not melt his frozen stance. He looked as if he was frozen in time. Smoke- Death-

Only ashes remained- the thunderstorm had gone- so was he…

Life- Water- Fire- Smoke- Death- Ashes

Freeeeeeedom....

Freedom of Speech

Freedom, defined exclusively, means an absence of external restraints be it the issue of speech, religion or expression. From pre-renaissance to the modern conception of state-society relations, it has occupied a pivotal role in molding socio-political infrastructure of different polities. Freedom, as argued by numerous philosophers, is an inalienable right for human beings. The fact that it occupies an intrinsically good characteristic liberates it from the consequences. Opponents of freedom reject the hypothesis that considers this characteristic plausible, arguing that it is highly unrealistic and utopian; however, they neglect the benefits that can be accrued through provision of freedom. Pakistan, although a latterly emerged state, has experienced its fair share of quid pro quo of both sides of this debate. It is imperative to note that although Pakistani constitution does cater to the subject of freedom of speech; ironically it also lays down some restraints on it “in the interest of the glory of Islam”. Throughout Pakistan’s relatively short history, political as well as religious freedom of speech has never been provided to the polity as promised by the constitution.

In the political arena, Pakistani society has never been furnished with freedom of speech; rather press, scholars and intelligentsia has been smothered under the notion that “Ignorance is bliss for masses”. From the issue of partition to the history of Indo-Pak relations, truth has never been permitted to prevail in this highly despotic society. Politicians continue to blame military’s role in policy making for this oppression; ironically, however, except for Zia’s regime, our society has savored more freedom of speech under military regimes than democratic governments. In both cases, press was never allowed to criticize governmental policies for better or worse; rather it was coerced to portray the government as being the Messiah for the people. People never got to know what went wrong in 1971 when East Pakistan was separated. Why? The reason put forward by the political elite has always been that it might have created turmoil and upheaval in society at that time. This phenomenon is not only confined to India-Pakistan relations; instead instances like this can be found in suppression of political resistance to American “War on Terror” as recently as 2005.

In addition to the controversial foreign policy issues, our society has not even enjoyed freedom of speech and expression domestically as well. Pakistan, in last couple of decades, has become a victim of sectarian and ethnic conflicts with thousands of people dying every year in such clashes. Politico-military elite, who is at helm of affairs in Pakistan, have constantly made sure that individual thoughts about such matters do not get raised. They justify this oppression by stressing upon the ideology of national interest. However, they tend to forget that although it might not be beneficial in the short term for the country, it eventually does lead to increased consensus and awareness among the masses. Religious debates about the idea of freedom have also lead to monolithic misinterpretation on the part of our political leaders. In fact one can have freedom of expression as long as one is saying what Mullahs want them to say. Religion has been highly misinterpreted in Pakistan, with minorities not even having the right to express what they feel about Islam. Blasphemy laws just indicate the sort of restraints that state has put on the society.

The whole debate about whether to allow complete freedom of speech or not largely revolves around the issue of national unity. However, a fact that is ignored by proponents of restraints on individual liberties is that it can lead to increased sense of association towards the state. Conflicts can be solved through peaceful means instead of being fought violently. Individual liberties are, thus, more crucial than the false illusion of national unity that authorities put forward in our country. America’s success is largely attributed to rising capitalism; however, bill of rights plies the basic foundation for this success which provides rights of speech and property among many others. No matter how much the so-called Islamists label them as being contrary to Islam, there is not a single issue that can be found contradictory to Quran and Sunnah in providing expressional, religious and property rights to individuals.

Our country has had a volatile political history and it’s about time we digress from the political norms of oppression. Musharraf government, although, has accomplished a good deal in providing press with freedom, there is still a lot to be done. In encouraging and advocating freedom of expression, we should, however, never forget that with freedom comes responsibility. If the freedom is offered to us, we should grab the opportunity with both hands.

Sixth Sense

The candle sitting right next to the window was fluttering like a flag in the brisk breeze near the sea. That was not the only thing- Everything seemed to be moving impatiently: the shadows on the wall, the door, the windows, He himself. Was it an earth quake? Were the tremors real? Or were they coming from within? He did not know. He sat there- motionless- yet his shadows were moving. Why? He wasn’t in motion? Why were his shadows moving then? Yes, he was shivering okay… But that was that. Nothing more than that- Shadows don’t magnify those shivering movements. Do they? Then why-

He did not have those answers. Those dark moments- those moving curtains- those droopy eyes- pages flying around- time seemed to stop- yet everything was moving. How ironic, huh! He closed his eyes for the first time in ages. Walls were cracking- or were they? He got up- eyes closed- walked towards the voices- yeah there were voices in that room- voices within the silence that had engulfed the room. He felt the surrounding waves in the air- he smelled the poignant smell emerging from the candle- he touched the walls around him- he tasted the salt in the breeze- he heard, felt, smelled, touched, tasted. But it was still something else- his sixth sense.

It was time- time to move on- time to gather himself up- time to feel life for a change- time to have quid pro quo with the monster within- time to give up had gone- it was time to fight- yet he felt weak- weaker than ever before. Back to normalcy- back to where he had wished he would never be- time to answer the calls- time to take responsibility- time to…

He opened his eyes- closed the doors, shut the windows, turned on the light- but wait… there was no electricity running in the circuits. A plane was landing somewhere near. He could hear the thundering sound that its engines were making- He thought about the people on board- then he stopped. He visualized himself sitting in a plane like that- traveling from his home to a place unknown to other men. He was afraid, afraid of people, afraid of conversations, afraid of confrontation, afraid of everything that this world had to offer. Yet he did not wish to die- Why would he want to die when it wasn’t his fault that he wanted all that? Or was it?

The dim light of the candle had just stopped fluttering- the world was not moving anymore- contradictions had been solved. Electrons were up and running again. Not in the circuits around his house, but rather in his own mind. It was working after all. Everything started to make sense now or did it. He turned his laptop on- logged on to yahoo- opened his inbox- checked his mails- and there it was. The answer to all his questions…

Dear Son,
I hope when you get this email, I would be dead…

His legs shivered- tears followed- time stopped again.

…I know you wanted me to never contact you. I know what I did to you was wrong, I know. Life is like that, my son. It’s not fair to us. It was never fair to me. That is fate. You can never be sure what’s going to hit you until it hits you. You must be wondering why I am mailing you at this time of my life. Well, to be honest, I don’t know myself. I regret the fact that I haven’t always been there for you. But I guess, it’s too late for that too. Nonetheless, I just wanted to apologize. I know you don’t have that bigger heart to forgive me… Let’s face it- After what I have done to you, if I would have been at your place, I would have killed me by now. But you did not, so I guess that, sort of, eases it out for me. It is, probably, the last time you are hearing anything from me. I want it to stay that way. From now onwards, I would be literally dead for you. Though I have been figuratively dead for you for years, but just wanted to request you something before I die. I know you’d not be willing to do that. But it is something I really want you to do it please. It’s my last wish that you come to my funeral. I want you to be there. Please son…
Your father.
23rd December, 2004.

Sixth sense- Huh!
He closed his laptop- opened the windows again- breathed a long breath.

The calendar on the wall showed-
27th December, 2004.

The Cage

The cage was closing in on him- it was harassing him- making it hard for him to breathe- making life tougher than it already was. It seemed to him as if he was there in that cage since eternity- yet he could not define what eternity really meant. He was restless to know all the meanings of life- so helpless to know anything about it though. He looked at the other soul standing in the cage next to him and he thought- does it feel the same way as I do? Does it have same psychological phases as I go through? Does it really exist? Does it?

Lot of questions but no answers; He realized. He looked in other soul’s eyes and could see a replicating image of lost cause there as well. Lost cause! He stuttered for a minute. Then he went ahead… though quite hesitantly:

“How long have you been here?”

Silence.

“Do you mind me asking you a question?” He continued.

A brief sigh… and a mind-your-own-business look appeared in its eyes.

“I am sorry if I am interrupting your never ending solitude, but the truth of the matter is that I have had enough of keeping quite here. I am starting to wonder if you are even like me or not… sick and tired of this cage and its walls.”

“He just wouldn’t stop” It said to itself.

“I am asking you a question; for heaven’s sake answer me.”

“Do you have the guts to listen to the truth?

“You bet. I have the guts to listen to anything right now; be it some stuff from the sages or even some crap.”

“You never give up. Do you?”

“No, I don’t.” He said with a victorious smile on his face.

“Then listen and listen carefully. You must have heard the cliché that everything happens for a reason. Well! No one ever believes that. You being stuck here with me- what reason could be given for that? That’s what you are thinking right now; aren’t you?”

“You could say that, but…”

“Then you must want to get out of this place. You think you have a right to do so but in fact you don’t. Nobody has any rights in this structure. You think you don’t belong here then I am really sorry. You aren’t the one making any decisions here neither am I. But it doesn’t stop here. Even if you manage to get out, what do you think you would do? Go have fun with your family and friends, hang out and what not? Right--- yeah you may be right but that’s not all. You get out of this cage and you think you are free. You are not- you have more responsibilities- you have more obligations- you have more restrictions- The term freedom doesn’t necessarily mean you always get it. The irony is that you never get it. You think you are in a cage right now? I’d say you are in a cage-in-a-cage. You will never get freedom my friend. Never… Its not about your perception of freedom- its about the freedom you get in little things in life- the freedom that your mind possesses while you are sleeping- the freedom that your hands enjoy when you are not doing anything- the freedom that your eyes possess when they are closed and are at your discretion to remain closed or not- the freedom that every part in your body has when you are not doing anything intentionally- that is freedom my friend. Not some old conceptualization about freedom, liberty and rights. That’s all crap. Now let me sleep… I want to get pleasure from my freedom”



And he stood there amazed at what it had said; not really wanting to get outside that cage anymore.

Nothing said again.

Freedom accomplished, “sanity” lost.

Chay of the Day...

and the Award goes to...

Khairi and Khizer... for Poker Night (2006)

Congrats...

Since they are not here... I would like to invite "Pocket 2's" to come and collect their award of 140 Rs. All in.

Pocket 2's: I can't describe my feelings right now... *Sigh* I would especially like to thank Khairi, Baoo and Laipu. Without them it wouldn't have been possible. Thank you...

Life

She was afraid- bewildered may be- but then again she thought she couldn’t do that to him. Rain was pouring down- light was fading quickly. She had to make a decision right there right then. May be she was confused- may be it was fate- may be it was not up to her to make that choice- may be she was doing the right thing- may be not. She was agitated- it was not her decision which had leaded them here- it was not even in her mind. How did they ever come to this point? She never got to know, but something told her that fate had written it for them this way.

Their journey had started with the dawn of the day- yet it seemed such a long time that she could hardly remember the time when they were not together- or may be they were never apart. They were always together- oblivious to each other’s existence. He had been her cohort- her protagonist- her mentor and what not. She knew that the feeling was mutual on both sides- that he felt the same way about her. Now was not the time to dwell in the past- now was the time to act; and act fast as well. Yet, she looked back at her past…

The sun was rising in the east- crimson skies were turning into blue ones- she had come from far above them- he knew that; that’s why he had taken so much care of her. Everyone had deserted him- left him in isolation when he was going through troubles- when he was finding it hard to gather his shattered and battered mind- when things were getting tougher and tougher. She was always there for him- though he never realized that- nor did she even try to make him realize that.

They had gone through the valleys of darkness- they had even reached the top of mountains together- they had lost everyone around them- but they had each other; still oblivious to each other’s existence. May be that’s what kept them together. Though, they had seen the top of mountains- she knew that- he had to face more obstacles- more hurdles- more dark valleys in his way than any other person. However, she was sure that- one day she’ll make him understand what he meant to her- and she could bet that he would understand.

The night was falling in hastily- she had to hurry up. The shadows were beginning to lengthen- She started to think… Why? Why now? What has changed now? Doesn’t he know I am still there for him? Doesn’t he know that I will stay with him until he doesn’t want to stay with me? How could I let him know that? Why has he done so? Why has he left me alone? Why has he made this decision to end me without even asking me- without even knowing what I might have in store for him? Why? She did not have any answers…

He had sent her away- far far away from himself. Now she had to make the choice of going back to him or not. She was confused. He did not want her- He did not. The words echoed in her mind. Yet she went back. Gave him hope- gave him one last chance. Night hadn’t arrived; yet another sun arose.

She was life after all…

Another Night, another Nightmare...

Depression- Solitude- loneliness- freedom- denial- memories- life-

As he sat there alone in his room- the light emanating from lamp shades had an ironical these-are-shades-of-your-life smile. He had spent last few months trying to overcome this nightmare which had suddenly rose out of the debris of life he had once lived. The dark circle surrounding the light of the lamp was closing in on him- as if it was going to darken everything including him. People say music soothes one’s mind- but for him it was having a totally contradictory, yet pervasive effect. For him, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s Dharak Dharak was just pushing him even more quickly towards the abyss of self denial.

He sat there staring at the glowing rod of electric heater that had been warming his room for quite a while now- Yet he felt so cold- so frosty- so glacial that he could hardly gather the strength to pick up the blanket which was lying just three feet away from him- as if frostbite had seen another of its victim; but it wasn’t cold after all. A friend walked into his room- its result- well! A sudden artificial smile appeared on his face as he quickly pretended to be busy typing something on his PC. But he wasn’t good at acting too- he told himself. Just another lie was thrown to his friend to satisfy his queries and halt any further questions. Soon the friend left- He was alone again.

Music continued. Now “The Cranberries” were singing Stars- He looked at the ceiling- hoping- merely hoping that he would find them there- How stupid of him indeed! Somehow they reminded him of the childhood stories of stars and how dead become a star in the sky. He wished he could go back in time to his childhood- or he could become a star in the sky as well- but wishes are not always fulfilled- he knew that. The monster-faced ashtray was staring at him- not the other way round- as if asking him… Wanna smoke? He lit a cigarette right then- not knowing that ashtray was already filled and had no space for anymore ash- but he went on having drags until his lungs started choking. The ash sticking to the cigarette was just like his life- a single movement could separate it from its body itself- a soul it represents- he murmured.

He was freezing to death in the absolutely normal temperature of the room. Death- not the answer, Life- not the question; he was restless and he did not know the answers or even the questions for that matter. He could not give up now- now that he had weathered the turbulent part of yet another taxing night in his life. He closed his eyes- music continued- spread his arms- his body shaped like a cross- smoke came out of his mouth- smoke of cigarette- smoke of the soul. Relaxation at last… Sleep… Dreams, not nightmares followed… Life moved on…

At least for that night…

Questions

An e-mail...

Sender: Anonymous

Recipient: Anonymous

... so here u are... breaking up with me when i was trying to be honest with u and when i was trying to correct myself... u broke up... u broke up... right u did... am i right? I just want to find the answer to it... I can't get u outta my head no matter how hard i try... I have even stopped talking to u and contacting u but u just keep on coming into my head... like a shattered dream that keeps on haunting my subconscious... I dun wanna do that... I dun... but it happens... i dunno why... I have tried but not been successful... something was missing in me... i cud not make myself to forget u... i just cud not... i know it sounds stupid but thats wat i am... I know u r the one or shud i say u were the one... I just can't forget u... Never... For i can't even try to... I want to ask y... y... if u cud not go on this path with me... y did u chose to accompany me on this road in the first place... I wanna ask u... I have loads of question running through the narrow tunnels of my mind and can't make their way out... may be they never can because u r never willing to provide them with answers...

A darkest Hour

…He sat there- his eyes gazing at the two light bulbs gleaming upon him like a beacon burning bright on Everest plying hope to the world around it. Yet, to his astonishment, it was still as gloomy for him as it could be for anyone dwelling in this place that we so proudly call mother earth. It was still dour for him- a darkest hour indeed…


…Six days and three hours had passed since she had last seen her daughter. She hadn’t heard from her since then. Though she could not, in any case, think that she had passed away, yet the fears of the worst were coming screaming towards her. She wanted to hold them off- she wanted to tell herself that her daughter was alive- she wanted to be optimistic- but one sometimes doesn’t get what one wants…


…Life, she thought, had been savage to her- and harsh to everyone else around her. She was demoralized, dismayed and dejected- she was profoundly lost in her intellections- she was ill-omened, ill-starred and ill-fated; finally she realized that. But then would it be just to everyone around her- wouldn’t it be vicious of her to do such a thing. Something told her it wouldn’t be- something told her everything did not have a purpose- something told her challenges were never meant to be met. What was that something? She thought. Instinct, impulse, intuition… What…


…His hands were sublimely placed on the gun. He wanted to think twice about what he was going to do- he wished he had some other way- but then- what the heck- He was going through with it no matter what his mind and heart told him now. Screams, squalls, wauls, shrieks were all running towards him like a frantic psycho on a killing spree. He blocked his mind off- turned safety switch off- placed his gun- BANG…


... Ringing telephone bell jostled her back to reality…


…A muffled sound was all that she could manage, while all the thoughts of being ill-omened and ill-fated were still running through her mind.…


…Phone receiver lay right next to the sixty nine years old lady who couldn’t bear the news of her daughter’s death…


…Another shot- One more dead body- This time, however, no phone was ringing anywhere around the world.

Religious Fundamentalism: Specific to Islam only?

“Those who still cling to the great fundamentals and who mean to do battle royal for the fundamentals shall be called fundamentalists” (Moore)

Fundamentalism can be traced back to the inception of the religion itself. Contemporary fundamentalism, no matter how crudely it is described and defined, is different in its entirety from the fundamentalism present in the medieval ages. A number of religions have come and merged into this ever-evolving debate regarding fundamentalism and its foundations. The history of fundamentalism begins with the advent of Christian church; which many scholars agree, was biased and prejudiced against the minorities of every sort; whether homosexuals or people from different religions.

No matter how generalized it may sound, but the fact remains that Christian church in the medieval ages was the strongest proponent of religious bias and prejudice. They believed and practiced such biasness because of their belief that these were the “words of God”. On the other hand, non-fundamentalists believed that it could be attributed in varying degrees to the first century culture rather than God or word of God. Throughout the history of Christianity, fundamentalism has been directly correlated with discriminatory behavior and right-wing authoritarianism, a feature related to contemporary Islamic fundamentalism. Some other scholars still believed that fundamentalism, seen in the psychological perspective, was a “Mindset, a closed belief system and right wing authoritarianism.” (Fulton, Gorsuch, Maynard)

Contemporary thoughts and ideas about violent fundamentalism are largely related to Islam and its various sects, albeit categorically denied by Muslims themselves. They come up with the argument of the involvement of mass media in portraying Islam as a religion prone to fundamentalism and prejudice. However, they fail to comprehend why West came hold negative stereotypes of Islam in the first place. A fact that goes unnoticed and ignored is the conflicting relationship between Christianity and Islam throughout the last millennium. The spread of Islam in the western Mediterranean until the 15th century, the military confrontations with the crusaders from 11th to 13th century, the fall of Byzantium and the rise of Ottoman Empire from the 15th to 20th century were among a number of factors, which lead to alienation and distrust of Islam that was primarily viewed as a threat to Christendom. 222. The rise of Khomeini in Iran, the call for Jihad from Iraq during the Gulf-war, the religio-military coup in Sudan, the rise of extremist organizations such as Al-Qaeda in Muslim countries, Oklahoma City bombings and the attacks on World Trade Centre are the primary reasons behind the West’s conceived image of Islam-the religion, as a heaven for fundamentalists.

However, religious fundamentalism and extremism can also be found in the contemporary Christian and Jewish states and organizations. In her review of Stern's book, “Terror in the Name of God”, Isabel Hilton points out the similarity between fundamentalist Jews and fundamentalist Muslims by quoting one of the former as reported by Stern:

“Here in Israel, we don't like to say this very loudly, but the radical right Jewish groups have a lot in common with Hamas.” (Hilton)

The state of Israel, only the second state to be created based upon religious ideology, has been a prime example of Jewish fundamentalism since early 50’s. This extremism, according to scholars, was originated in the form of ancient Jewish nationalism that was based in the “Cult of Caiaphus”, the Jewish Pharisee that Jesus admonished, and who later sought Jesus’ death by crucifixion, since Jesus dared to challenge their version of Jewish law, and also its attendant sorcery, which has evolved into the modern Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism. The contemporary form of this Jewish Law can be found in this quote attributed to Central Region Command of the Israeli Army.

“Under no circumstances should an Arab be trusted, even if he makes an impression of being civilized. In war, when our forces storm the enemy, they are allowed and even enjoined by the Halakah (Jewish law) to kill even good civilians” (Fattah)

Modern day Christianity is not spared from fundamentalism and extremism either. The organizations such as “Christian Identity, The Order and The Turner Diaries” are extremist and fundamentalist in nature to say the least. They have their own agenda which, according to them, is based upon the religious teachings of Christ and God. They argue that they ought to make a model world for Christians. They have used violent means in the past, and are not afraid of committing them in the future as well.

“In 1984, members of The Order stole $3.8 million from an armored car, most of which has never been recovered. That same year they were responsible for the assassination of Alan Berg, a Jewish radio talk show host in Denver who engaged in harsh criticism of neo-nazis and Identity ideology.” (Cline)

Hinduism is another religion which has had its share of fundamentalists as well. The organizations such as RSS, Bajrang Dal and political parties like BJP have been propagating their own agenda in the form of religious rhetoric. Their leaders, much like those in Christian and Jewish world, argue that they take such extremist and marginalized actions in order to serve God, completely denying and ignoring the worldly benefits that they reap from such efforts. Incidents of the extreme actions by such fundamentalists are numerous, one of them being the attack on a prayer meeting of Christians in Rajasthan, India.

“Hindu extremists violently attacked a prayer meeting in Rajasthan state last night, seriously injuring nine Christians, including one woman… those who attacked the prayer meeting were wearing the typical khaki uniform of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), a Hindu extremist group. A member of the Rajasthan State Minorities Commission confirmed that the border area was the center of RSS activity in the state…” (International Christian Response)

An analysis of three of the biggest religions of the world has portrayed that fundamentalism is not something we can associate with a particular religion. It might be the case that at certain instances in history a certain religious fervor has coerced many people into considering another religion biased and prejudiced, but that is how the history has been shaped. The contemporary world tends to forget the reasons behind the so-called Islamic fundamentalism and extremism, they tend to ignore the fact that majority of the Muslim states have been a victim of colonization in the last century and they have been exploited and marginalized in every way by the West. The resulting desperation on their part results in the extreme actions, which are then associated with Islam, albeit social factors have much bigger impact in such cases. The contemporary capitalist world has once again made an escape goat in the form of Islamic extremism, instead of solving the longstanding issues of poverty and under-development in these least developed Muslim countries. The subjugation and marginalization continues by the West, the Muslim response to this injustice is labeled “terrorism”, while West continues its own economic terrorism in the form of capitalism with full throttle. If Muslim terrorism has an end, it would come after the end of Western economic terrorism. Till then, we would go on blaming one religion or the other for adhering to fundamentalism and extremism.
















Bibliography

Cline, Austin. "Politics of Christian Identity." 09 Oct. 2005 .

Fattah, Abd E. "Jewish Fundamentalism in Israel :: Book Review ::." Media Monitors Network. 28 Aug. 2004. 09 Oct. 2005 .

Fulton, Aubyn S., Richard L. Gorsuch, and Elizabeth A. Maynard. "Religious Orientation, Antihomosexual Sentiment, and Fundamentalism Among Christians." Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion (1999): 15. 10 Oct. 2005.

Hilton, Isabel. "Everybody Hates Somebody Somewhere." The New York Times: Book Review Desk. 16 Nov. 2003. 09 Oct. 2005 .

"Hindu Extremists Attack Prayer Meeting in Rajasthan, India." International Christian Response. 15 Aug. 2005. 09 Oct. 2005 .

Moore, Leroy. "Another Look at Fundamentalism: A Response to Ernest R. Sandeen." Hartford Seminary Foundation: 196+. 10 Oct. 2005.

LOLZ...

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Without Remorse

Lost for words- yes, that’s what he was feeling at that particular instant. He had been an eloquent speaker throughout his life- yet at the time when he was needed to say some words, he just couldn’t; for they had no meanings for him anymore. He wondered- he thought- he pondered upon things surrounding him but nothing came off. He could feel the glaring eyes of people which had a has-he-lost-it expression written all over them. Yet, he felt so oblivious to them- so numb- so forgetful of them. How could he- he tried to think about it because it was one thing he had never thought that he would do.

He always wanted freedom- freedom of speech- freedom of thought- freedom of soul- freedom from life itself. But everything seemed so irrelevant and relative right now for he had gained the freedom but lost the words, the thoughts, the soul and the life he had always wished for. Ironical- yes it does sound ironical. He was an advocate of freedom for crying out loud; and here he was, finally with the choice to say things he always wanted to, but not able to do so. Why? Everyone in the large hall room was thinking the same thing- Why?

He wished for things that never took place- he wished for things that never existed- he wished for life that never was real- yet he wished for death at the same time. With contradiction and conflict all around- he was lost in the abyss of cognition- yet he knew nothing. Blasphemy- he was accused of it once. Now God gave him the chance to rectify things- to tell the world that he was not an agnostic- to let people know that he was not an atheist- to speak out loud what he really meant in his writings against religion or the practices that he carried out.

Nothing spoken- utter silence- engulfing the huge hall like the light from the chandelier surrounded the whole arena. A sudden outburst of tears- tears flowing from his eyes- tears of regret- tears of sorrow- tears of joy even. A sudden mumbling hymn coming from the rows of the church they were in. They all felt that he regretted what he had done- these tears were a way to apologize for what he had done. Nothing said- nothing done- just a silent enigma- this man was turning out to be.

Salvation- they were all here for salvation. The mumbles had turned into loud recitation of bible- the bells had started ringing- the bishop standing high- people lost in the euphoria of it all. The man was about to be declared sinner for the rest of his life- and was to be abandoned by everyone. People wanted him to accept his blasphemous behavior- yet he was not ready. He was still silent- as silent as a cold winter night in the Atlantic. And there it was- the decision of “God” to abandon this guy.

His crime- he did not believe in God- or he was not convinced about it- he was confused- Why? Because if there was any God present than He would make sure that every human being was treated equally in this world. This man described religion as the tool to oppress and create classes. He wanted his children to go to the same school where children of billionaires go to. But he was a sinner- and sinners deserve to go to hell. So, hell it is going to be for him.

The man grabbed the candle stand from a shelf near him and stuck it into his heart. Blood- running down the isle of the church.

Freedom; he wished for- and freedom; he got.

Circles of Life

“You are the only one who knows me really well.” She wiped the tears that were about to come out of her eyes when these words came out of her mouth.

“Don’t you ever try to go away; Life is a journey not a destination. We are all here to sacrifice our souls, our minds and our bodies. For what! Have you ever stopped from your daily fucking routine and wondered- wondered why I am here- wondered why am I sacrificing my soul, my mind and my feelings? Have you?”

The rain came pouring down as her tears were lost somewhere in the raindrops- raindrops that were as ruthless as her addressee- raindrops that really did not care. She had lost- lost to her own dreams- lost to her own ecstatic expectations- lost to her own will- she had lost. She was surprised by the surprises that had brought her to this moment in her life- she was depressed by the depression that had taken her over by storm- she was lost in the lost triangle made by herself, her surroundings and the people around her- so surprised, so depressed, so lost…

Lightening struck some residential area nearby; The lines that it made for a split second through the black sky were just enough to show him the lines of tears, flowing down her face, mixed with raindrops. Still, he didn’t speak anything; there was a stupid little I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck expression on his face.

“How can someone be so callous?” She thought; but she never realized the fact that she had spoken her thoughts aloud- loud enough to be heard despite of the sound that a commercial airliner was creating at that very moment just before its landing. They were standing on a hanging bridge which connected the two parts of the city over the river, just like the relationship, they shared, was hanging and was about to fall into pieces- the only difference being that this bridge was not connecting the two parts of the same city- it was only lying there rendered useless after the destruction of one part of the city.

“The journey ends here, mike.” She said as a car fizzed past them.

Mike was awakened to reality by the splash of water about three hundred feet below his feet away. The rain had stopped and moon’s light was just enough to let him see the ripples that splash had created.

“The circles of life” He thought as he kept staring at them.

Sirens. Blue and red lights.

Another splash. The difference this time was that there was no one there to actually see how two sorts of ripples were joining and canceling each other’s effects.

She hadn’t lost after all.