Depression- Solitude- loneliness- freedom- denial- memories- life-
As he sat there alone in his room- the light emanating from lamp shades had an ironical these-are-shades-of-your-life smile. He had spent last few months trying to overcome this nightmare which had suddenly rose out of the debris of life he had once lived. The dark circle surrounding the light of the lamp was closing in on him- as if it was going to darken everything including him. People say music soothes one’s mind- but for him it was having a totally contradictory, yet pervasive effect. For him, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s Dharak Dharak was just pushing him even more quickly towards the abyss of self denial.
He sat there staring at the glowing rod of electric heater that had been warming his room for quite a while now- Yet he felt so cold- so frosty- so glacial that he could hardly gather the strength to pick up the blanket which was lying just three feet away from him- as if frostbite had seen another of its victim; but it wasn’t cold after all. A friend walked into his room- its result- well! A sudden artificial smile appeared on his face as he quickly pretended to be busy typing something on his PC. But he wasn’t good at acting too- he told himself. Just another lie was thrown to his friend to satisfy his queries and halt any further questions. Soon the friend left- He was alone again.
Music continued. Now “The Cranberries” were singing Stars- He looked at the ceiling- hoping- merely hoping that he would find them there- How stupid of him indeed! Somehow they reminded him of the childhood stories of stars and how dead become a star in the sky. He wished he could go back in time to his childhood- or he could become a star in the sky as well- but wishes are not always fulfilled- he knew that. The monster-faced ashtray was staring at him- not the other way round- as if asking him… Wanna smoke? He lit a cigarette right then- not knowing that ashtray was already filled and had no space for anymore ash- but he went on having drags until his lungs started choking. The ash sticking to the cigarette was just like his life- a single movement could separate it from its body itself- a soul it represents- he murmured.
He was freezing to death in the absolutely normal temperature of the room. Death- not the answer, Life- not the question; he was restless and he did not know the answers or even the questions for that matter. He could not give up now- now that he had weathered the turbulent part of yet another taxing night in his life. He closed his eyes- music continued- spread his arms- his body shaped like a cross- smoke came out of his mouth- smoke of cigarette- smoke of the soul. Relaxation at last… Sleep… Dreams, not nightmares followed… Life moved on…
At least for that night…
As he sat there alone in his room- the light emanating from lamp shades had an ironical these-are-shades-of-your-life smile. He had spent last few months trying to overcome this nightmare which had suddenly rose out of the debris of life he had once lived. The dark circle surrounding the light of the lamp was closing in on him- as if it was going to darken everything including him. People say music soothes one’s mind- but for him it was having a totally contradictory, yet pervasive effect. For him, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s Dharak Dharak was just pushing him even more quickly towards the abyss of self denial.
He sat there staring at the glowing rod of electric heater that had been warming his room for quite a while now- Yet he felt so cold- so frosty- so glacial that he could hardly gather the strength to pick up the blanket which was lying just three feet away from him- as if frostbite had seen another of its victim; but it wasn’t cold after all. A friend walked into his room- its result- well! A sudden artificial smile appeared on his face as he quickly pretended to be busy typing something on his PC. But he wasn’t good at acting too- he told himself. Just another lie was thrown to his friend to satisfy his queries and halt any further questions. Soon the friend left- He was alone again.
Music continued. Now “The Cranberries” were singing Stars- He looked at the ceiling- hoping- merely hoping that he would find them there- How stupid of him indeed! Somehow they reminded him of the childhood stories of stars and how dead become a star in the sky. He wished he could go back in time to his childhood- or he could become a star in the sky as well- but wishes are not always fulfilled- he knew that. The monster-faced ashtray was staring at him- not the other way round- as if asking him… Wanna smoke? He lit a cigarette right then- not knowing that ashtray was already filled and had no space for anymore ash- but he went on having drags until his lungs started choking. The ash sticking to the cigarette was just like his life- a single movement could separate it from its body itself- a soul it represents- he murmured.
He was freezing to death in the absolutely normal temperature of the room. Death- not the answer, Life- not the question; he was restless and he did not know the answers or even the questions for that matter. He could not give up now- now that he had weathered the turbulent part of yet another taxing night in his life. He closed his eyes- music continued- spread his arms- his body shaped like a cross- smoke came out of his mouth- smoke of cigarette- smoke of the soul. Relaxation at last… Sleep… Dreams, not nightmares followed… Life moved on…
At least for that night…
1 comment:
I absolutely adore the last para!
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